I didn’t even feel like I was dressed up. It was SO comfy.

I love it because I didn’t have to pick just one color to commit to. I’ve got a little of all of them!

I actually have no idea, because when I refuse to respond they forfeit. Every. TIME.

My daughter kept getting the damn things in 1st grade. The only thing that worked was 3 straight nights of coating her wet hair in conditioner and then carefully combing it out. Conditioner or anything else of that consistency bogs the little fuckers down.

I found a vintage Dark Tower boardgame on ebay for my husband. I cannot WAIT to see his face because he is a massive boardgame nerd and we all wanted this thing so bad in the 80’s.

Also! I had my hair done. I saw the “oil slick” color trend and had to have it. My stylist had never done it before!

I’m gonna show off a little tonight. Mr. Bells’ office just had their holiday party, Oscar Night themed. I decided to go all-out and whipped this up in a week.

I sometimes get dick pics on fucking word games on my phone. If the option exists for a chat or a profile photo, there will be multiple dudes who think I really really must need to see it.

I told my kid that the flavored seltzer water was “kid soda”. She didn’t drink actual soda until she was a teenager. These are winning lies when they get your kid to eat healthy!

The ex-Mr. Bells apparently once saw me enjoying an episode of Animaniacs. So for Christmas I got a 2-foot-high ceramic watertower piggybank with the characters on it. We were 23.

There’s so much bro happening in that picture my tea just turned into a Monster energy drink.

I was told I was “too fat, anyway” at 5 foot 4 and 100 pounds even. To my face. Later, the same guy told someone else he wouldn’t date me because I had “the figure of an 8-year-old boy.” This was after he’d asked me out, naturally. Like at least be consistent!

I loved that they added so many unnecessary, long, boring, romantic subplots! Hey let’s put this guy in a love triangle with his dead wife’s apparition and another lady, and also give Rodricks a girlfriend so that she can die and also explode. And then let’s waste half the show on that nonsense, instead of, like,…

Here’s what I love about New Athens: “We have art! And culture! We struggle and thus are not stagnant! ... and that’s why we’re performing a 300-year-old opera and watching old black and white movies.”

You’ve reminded me that we have some homebrewed mead lurking in a dark closet that someone should probably check on...

I’m going to go with “unintentional historical knowledge” from now on!

If they’re cut from the “steak” they can be in rings. The pointy-hat part of the squid. I prefer that over the tentacles.

I guess I just didn’t know enough smokers as a kid to realize that this was totally a thing in places! The only person I knew that smoked was my grandfather, and I think he mail-ordered cartons.

Oh I totally forgot about vending machines haha! Like that’s basically the whole reason they made them illegal!

Yeah, he did that kind of thing a lot. I got wise to him pretty quick, but I think I believed the eggs benedict one for so long because I actually DID like them. It made me super suspicious of any new recipe he made though.