Yeah but we’re gonna need the purchase link.

From my years teaching preschool, the best way to get toddlers to sleep is Gregorian Chant. They drop like flies.

I started with a body pillow when I was pregnant, and when I met Mr. Bells, he also slept with one (I presume not because he was pregnant). Now we’re squashing too many pillows into our bed, and we’re both getting old and fat, and it’s probably time for a bigger bed.

We’re considering upgrading to a king size bed mainly because we both need about 6 pillows to sleep and it’s getting a little crowded in the queen.

It’s gotten to the point that I can’t seem to tell them apart anymore. If you asked me in two days who said this, I’ll have forgotten it was Carson. It’s just this heaving mass of bizarre statements.

My OB was an older man, who I chose because he was an excellent surgeon and I was high-risk. And he also had a midwife on staff, and told me that if I wanted to try labor, he’d support me. But as I had a 75% chance of needing surgical intervention, I scheduled the c-section anyway. So I’ve got your exception!

Ew no that looks so uncomfortable.

No, but mine might be worse. He’s picked a fight with Anonymous because he thinks they stole his thunder. Sometimes, he posts these “deep inspirational quotes” with his own name spelled backwards attached. Like, he quotes himself and signs it Nhoj Htims.

Spoiler alert: It is not a sled.

See I’m Team Mark just for the comment section comedy opportunities.

GLUDED TO THE POT OF GOLD!!11!

Well there was that one “rosebud” thing.

This is a good point!

Clean THANK GOD

This is fair.

Occasionally I peek over at my exhole’s FB, but I really should just block him because I just get pissed off. He bills himself as a “computer investigative expert” HE SHOULD LEARN TO USE GODDAMN SNOPES.

My “bridesguy” said he’d wear a dress, but my wedding was already pretty weird so I I just got him a tux.

Right, I mean ... I’m pretty sure those terms exist just for this purpose. So that some yahoo isn’t going around like “well I’m not a GROSS pedophile like those OTHER GUYS.” No, you’re a gross ephebophile, glad we cleared that up, now go directly to jail do not pass Go.

This drove me nuts in the “Skyfall” song. All of her Ls were so mushy.