Well I’m getting two and clipping them over my ears for a discount Princess Leia look.

There’s two kinds of people in this world: the kind who feel sorry that you ended up covered in milkshake, and the kind who see that and think “What can *I* get out of this??”. It’s a shame that the second kind seem to LOVE going out to eat.

Everyone kills Hitler on their first trip.

She also threatened to beat me up and/or have me arrested when I finally snapped and told her to stop interrupting people.

That made me think it HAD to be some kind of a joke. Even the drunkest frat bro cannot possibly really imagine we worship Betty Crocker, right?

You remind me of a public speaking class I had where we did a “How To” speech. There was this woman - not fresh out of high school, but an adult student - who came late to every class and left early half the time. She was never prepared for class but would constantly interrupt other people’s speeches with inane…

Jesus way to beat a joke into the ground.

I feel like my head is huge and my face is super round and fat without the hair to make it look proportional.

I always wanted my hair to be straight, but I only tried to straighten it myself like ... twice. WAY too much work. Not for me. Hell, I get bored to tears if I have to blow-dry it (it takes forever with a diffuser). I just refuse to put that much effort into my hair.

My father’s name was just a couple letters off of a maker of certain time-travelling silver cars. He got one of those reactions upon checking into a motel near LAX in the late 80’s.

I vote we take up a collection to give these to Adultosaur for Christmas.

I ate my way through an entire salad at CPK once, only to crunch down on a shard of broken plate with like, 5 bites left. They comped my meal, my companion’s meal, and dessert. Honestly, I’d eaten the whole thing already. I only told them in case someone hurt themselves on a piece of whatever they’d broken in the…

Yeah, I might have a brain fart and do that. But I think I’ve actually BEEN at a “kids eat free” night maybe once? Although I guess if someone’s that cheap to do it on purpose, they probably find every restaurant that does it within 100 miles.

Her Most Radiant Goddessness Lupita:

<3 Shelly.

Um, sorry, but I need these to go with my vintage bedsheet dress.

I had a server upend a tray of mimosas all over my toddler at a Mother’s Day brunch. The poor woman was mortified. Of course my kid has hysterics and has to be taken outside to calm down, but we weren’t mad at the server. She, however, might have ended up going home because we had a different server for the rest of…

The Mormons say he was wandering around North America, so obviously He saw some snow. And the fall foliage in New England, probably.

My daughter briefly did Irish Dance and it’s like that for competitions. To perform at a feis you have to have your hair in these ridiculous ringlets. They sell clip-on hairpieces for the girls who can’t get that look easily.

I’m on the other end of that: my hair is actually really fine, all the volume is the curl. So when it’s straightened I look like a drowned rat. It is the saddest, limpest hair.