And their feet and breasts change size and don’t forget the “peeing when you sneeze for the rest of your life, probably” part!

This is magnificent.

The weird thing is, I don’t ever remember packing it. HAUNTED FOOTSTOOL

I bought a plastic stool for like $5 at Walgreens when my kid was little, so she could reach the bathroom sink. 17 years and 4 moves later it’s still in my house. Anyone who had kids has to already have something they could use for this!

I guess I could see that it’s violating the rule on “excretory functions”, but they’ve gone out of their way to make the ads as subtle about the Shining Elevators of Monthly Doom as they could.

My first husband was a straight drag queen. Until he became a born-again asshole. He did a pretty good Cher, though.

I’m mostly offended that they’re charging like $30 for a footstool.

Yeah that first day is like ... the bathtub-jello scene in Poltergeist. I’m not sure I could really wear these.

There is something pretty alluring about that scalp-fuzz, but they should really keep their hands off at work.

I read a bunch of dating-story blogs and invariably someone will complain “how come you never show women harassing men?? Sexist!!”

I figure most of the weird unsolicited FB messages I get are some kind of romance-scam-bot. It’s usually an older white guy whose profile says he’s from Michigan or Nebraska yet types like English is his 3rd language.

what the fuck is happening with his gross-ass chest?

My mother-in-law: 60ish, grey hair, in muddy gardening clothes, got catcalled in the heart of Mormon country. By a Mormon dude. I know because his catcall of choice was “Aaaaayyy nice hustle, Sister!”

He was so sure about it! When I was like “wtf are you talking about?” he wanted to know “what kind of Asian” I was. The answer is none!

I got the weirdest message one time on an online game. The dude called me a “beautiful geisha girl.”

I picked up the food for my first wedding. Because I had the only car the 6-foot Subway sandwiches would fit in. In my wedding dress, with a groomsman, at Subway. Yup.

just try giving a kid exactly the thing they want, and you will often get the exact same wailing and gnashing of teeth.

For Mark it is.

My kid had a tantrum once and somehow punched a hole in a window. Didn’t cut herself, amazingly. But that cooled off her tantrum right quick.

Oddly enough, so does having cisgender girls crowned queen. The only way I would have been crowned is if someone wanted to pull a Carrie.