- “the United States is not a receptacle for twee Canadian garbage”

Why you gotta front on HitchBOT, BITCH? You best step off, or my friend WHOM I MADE, is gonna cut you. Fuck this, we’re going to the mall and you can’t stop us.

Great. More Gawker-related hobophobia.

Jesus is only a Spurs fan because he went to high school with Tim Duncan

Bryant & Patmon: [start fighting]

The Monte Carlo’s window buttons were probably broken

What kind of degenerate cannot hold puke in long enough to crack a window or door? I once held vomit in my mouth as I ran from our table at a restaurant to a stall in the men’s room. It’s called being a fucking gentleman

I’m glad you went easy on the guy. I mean who are we to judge Joe Brown.

Why do the Cardinals need more charity than playing the Cubs 19 goddamn times a year?

Doing it the Write-off Way.

Out of habit, the NRA filed an amicus brief on behalf of the NFL when they heard “Clinton” & “Brady” in the same sentence.

Please, please, please let there be a written statement from Mayweather! Something in Crayola’s Easter palette, preferably.

To be fair, he doesn’t know any better because he’s from the Dominican Republic.

Silence, plebe! Green glass is for the nouveau riche, those that use cobalt glass are in the know.

I would love to have glass bottles for my water. But alas, my cats are assholes and I can’t have nice things...unless they are on the floor.

Compared to the two Mexico matches that was only “a little bit” CONCACAF’d

“You could actually see the summit at this point if the camera swung up. But screw that, let’s keep it aimed straight ahead at that guy’s buttcheeks instead.”

I love that ESPN’s finger is so far removed from the pulse that they genuinely had no idea that black journalists don’t want anything to do with Jason Whitlock. Whitlock offered to triple Ta-Nehisi Coates’ salary if he came to work for him, and Coates still said no. What else is there to say?

So they’re collecting their highest-profile black writers in one place to ensure that white people won’t accidentally click on them?

The GM is going to have a tough time replacing him in this market. I think Galette might have been the best a man can get.