Enjoy those stars for your hawt take cuz you just got lit up like Queen Latifa in Set It Off... I wanted to contribute snark but the Commentariat already ripped your asinine post to shreds.

Are you a real person?

When I read your post: “Why the fuck would his dad have to... Oh! *chortle*

*Buzzer noise* no battery under the TX Penal Code... Falls under assaultive offenses. All these Internet Lawyers were probably feeling pretty damn smart when they clicked “publish.”

Except it is! Stick to ninja’ing.

Except in this case, he/she was completely and utterly wrong. As in not even close to being correct.

I’d agree with all of this except for the hockey player thing. Would it still be considered an offense since it’s sort of a unique event in terms of violence in sports? I actually don’t know either way but it sort of seems like a mutual combat type of thing. It’s not like one guy chases the other around and starts…

I’m just enjoying scrolling through the responses to correct the “Well, actually...” Brigade. It’s assault in Texas. The offense of battery is not recognized independently. Assault encompasses acts intended to cause the victim to believe he or she is in imminent danger of harm as well as offensive touching that would…

Legally speaking, battery is included within the definition of assault in the great state of Texas. Don’t feel bad tho, attendedlawschool made the same mistake, albeit with a bit more snark!

Not in Texas, buttercup... Assault encompasses acts that would generally be considered battery as well. But thanks for playing! We’ve got some nice parting gifts for you and we hope you’ll be back for another round of “I Went To Law School So I Know Stuff!”

Yeah, same at middle linebacker... I’d be licking my chops anytime I’d see a WR or TE dragging across midfield. We were coached to never let those guys through without reminding them to keep those heads on a swivel. I believe the term was “knock his dick in the dirt.” The worst, cheap kind of blindside hit and I…

Jesus... Talk about never having been more wrong about anything. Much obliged.

“I ain’t seen the shorts like that in awhile... ‘Cept on babies.”

I guess I shoulda seen that one coming... But it was nice to get my first ever response from a member of the DS writing staff!

Blake Griffin missed his entire rookie season after his surgery, but remained an ungodly combination of quicks, handle, and ups.

Ever tried running with wired headphones? I’m constantly yanking them out of my ears or unplugging them from my phone, no matter if I wear the wire on the outside or tuck it into my shirt. These things are more that practical. Also, I didn’t know the point of Bluetooth was to be able to use them without some synced…

“Play the game the right way.”

His grapes, they seem sour

That love tap at the end has me dead!

Only 36 stars? A travesty