How long have you been on the internet if you don't know about butt plugs?

But seriously, people eating in class is highly fucking distracting. I have an aversion to sticky substances on my fingers, and could barely sit still while a woman dipped apple slices in yogurt in front of me. It can wait!

That's actually not uncommon if you're the more active party for any length of time.

Get stuffed.

Is it just me or does reckless generalizing seem to persist?

Bananas in cereal forever.

Speak for yourself.

Where do you find dogs that don't hog the bed? Because mine is a giant blanket-weight that prevents me from using any of said blanket.

Uteri.

I've always wondered if this feature hides "unconventionally attractive" people in addition to showing more "attractive people". Is it about the ratio? Because if matches are being excluded based on their looks, shit's fucked up. Thanks for assuming everyone has the same preferences.

I feel sorry for people who are so gullible as to adopt an entire philosophy because someone said it would make them hornier.

I feel pretty confident in assuming my dog isn't going to claw my face in the middle of the night, stare at invisible things crawling on the ceiling, or knock shit off my shelves. He sits when I say "sit", wraps his big paws around me when I say "give me a hug", and always takes a nap from noon to four in the…

People who don't like poop treasure hunts, unpredictable animals with claws, and toxoplasmosis are insane; I agree.

If someone asked if I would rather have a hermit crab or a cat, I would grab that decapod before they finished the sentence.

Cold-pressed coconut oil is what I use. I used to dip my fingers in the oil and rub it on, then rub in a pinch or two of the baking soda. Recently I mixed up a batch to put in a glass jar to simplify things, but I think I used too much baking soda. If you're going to mix it, you want it to be more of a thick liquid…

Bergamot.

I am about to share with you the most valuable thing I have learned in my time as a human.

Why did you tell me that. Yerba Mate accounts for 92% of my fluid intake. Now you're saying there was once Yerba Mate CHOCOLATE and I will never get to have some?

My Whole Foods is littered with them. The best part is that you can eat it like a (very dark) chocolate bar, or have it as a drinking chocolate. They come in awesome flavors (chipotle, orange, cinnamon, coffee, salt and pepper).

For your consideration.