Nothing riles up a Texan more than a Black man telling him what to do.

Fuck this shit and the assholes who willingly participate in it.

Ah, yes, the very first thing I think of when I’m thinking about sexual assault is but how will the children get away with it?

Cosa Nostra Pizza will have your kidnappers sleeping with the anchovies in 30 minutes or less, or your pizza is 2% off.

He was Born to Troll.

I hope Kate doesn’t see this article. 

He’s not running for re-election, so could still torpedo during the full vote.

TWIST ENDING. THE MAVERICK LIVES.

Those are called pre-resume jobs and you just fucking do them and not talk about them.

This Last Generation won’t be working at the restaurants of the future; they’ll be on the menu.

That's not even in the same species; that actually tastes good.

You could have toasted your bread and buttered it instead of using mayo for your pb sandwich, thus saving both your dignity and our sanity, but nooooooooo....

Oh sweet baby Jesus, that’s all I want for Christmas.

Twist ending is that Rocky’s dead the whole time and is speaking to Creed through the horse tranquilizers.

A heroin ravaged, zombie trailer-living version of Gawker maybe. 

Black Adam Sandler levels of sucks.

After he loses, Sad Cruz and Sad Jeb can go on their road trip over the Grand Canyon together.

Iced horchatas and iced Mexican chocolates. Yum Brands, make me President; I can dream up ALL your stoner food.

Yeah, it’s almost like craftsmen become better the more they craft.

I predict that this Lil Poop will be the next soundclouder to bite the big one.