Why’d you take a perfectly good map and ruin it with words! I can’t ogle a list.

Why do you think it’s called the American dream?

Yeah, but then they can’t vote. Win-win.

Made the mistake of mouth-breathing while wearing a mask and almost gassed myself after my morning coffee.

You need a tighter mask if anything is reaching your eyes. That means that particles can also get in through that same gap.

Chik-fil-A’s open.

At least those insect parts are cooked/dead. Ah, what do I care, I’m full of bugs already.

No, I don’t, but I’m going to miss you shitbird. 

Good timing, what with African swine fever decimating our beloved porkers worldwide. This should help us prevent a porkapocalypse by keeping our pork stocks healthy. Still, I’d start stockpiling pot-belly pigs if I were worried about pork futures.

This extra data point will help me decide if some foodstuff is inherently unhealthy or just made so by the manufacturer. If the latter, I can shop for a better alternative. If the former, well, then, I guess I cut it out. It helps. 

They adjusted the serving sizes, too. No surprise that what is considered an average serving size increased, and also some things that will be consumed in one or more sitting are also single serving now. The real point of this exercise is to make the math and the words easier to understand for the average Homer…

No. They removed the subset of calories from fat but left the type of fat breakdown in the Total Fat section so folks can still keep away from trans fat. I think this also reflects the fact that too much sugar, in whatever form it enters the body, is terrible for you.

What’s that,  a vicodin between two xanax?

The added sugars is a byline to the total sugars section, so it won’t be confusing. In your fruit juice example, for example, it will still give a total count of sugars, even if no sugar was added. Where’s the confusion? I will now know if my fruit juice is just water and sugar, or actually juice. 

Thank goodness my single-serving Double Gulp doesn’t have a nutrition label. 

Lol, as a penis-owner, I bet one night was enough for the dicks to get used to the boner cradle and then get weird boners from it. 

This gave me a great idea: put ghost pepper in the candy corn at the office.

My brain is fried (chicken & waffles).

This will probably be Boris’ greatest accomplishment.

Pierre Delecto = Elect Eerie Dope