How did you know I loved slapping my dick in the mashed potatoes? I am NOT resigning myself to giving that up.

I couldn’t put my finger on why that headline didn’t make any sense!

Beautifully written. I am starving for more.

They just did.

I watched this working snow globe nail art tutorial last night with my jaw on the floor. I do NOT watch this kind of stuff normally but YouTube recommended it and who am I to argue?

Holy shit, yes.

Things you should probably eventually tell your kid:

False: http://www.snopes.com/media/notnews/…

OBJECTIFYING TRIGGER: Is it weird that he’s too pretty for my tastes? I like my dudes a little roughed up; It’s like the second they slide over past a (admittedly white, American, stereotypical) 9, it drops them to a personal 4.

Exactly.

Something classy, take ‘em out for kibble and a wine cooler.

Is it really, really sad that I’m glad the nude photos they’re referencing in this article were made without the children’s knowledge? Is that the kind of silver lining we’re forced to find these days just make it through the fucking day?

I’m an 11 at Wal-Mart, I didn’t know we were using the Wal-Mart sliding scale.

Now THIS is fucking taking it BACK.

I’m a solid 7 and I’d bat for any team that’ll have me.

The highlight of my day.

What a fucking shit show.

I made this for you.

I like how I look in my first post-childbirth photo because I look like myself and my baby’s in it.