Clam chowder has pork in it? I'm from MA and I never knew that. Color me surprised.

Wait, Dutch national anthem or American?

Sheesh, nice going Mom. I plan on letting my kid know that every mole could be cancer, too.

When Capitalism says it's OK to fill public spaces with the constant noise of materialism and shallowness so long as you have the cash to do so, laws cannot and should not always protect the message. Citizens (read: "consumers") usually don't have the resources to balance these messages with a counterpoint. Spray…

I forgot to take my intelligence pills last week and made the extreeeeeeeeemely bad decision to get into it with a friend who posted a "15 women who don't need feminism" link on his FB. It was a pig-pile of a bunch of friends I now unequivocally know are morons. I believe I'll be posting this tumblr to FB. Round 2,…

I was induced and 12 hours later popped out a healthy baby boy. Jesus watched from his crucifix on the wall (and from heaven, obvi) the whole time.

I live in Texas and when I was about to give birth 7 months ago there were a lot of laws about bodily autonomy in flux down here. My OB delivers at a catholic hospital. I knew this going in and my pregnancy was low risk. Regardless, I made sure that my fiancé promise that in the event my medical decisions were not…

This precious gift which you have bestowed upon me shall be cherished and guarded over throughout my family's legacy, down through time into centuries untold.

Can we all agree that Labyrinth Bowie's cod piece was the weirdest pre-teen girl boner-giver? STARE INTO ITS MAJESTY.

AMAZING. Here, have the internet.

Apropos of nothing, uhhhhhhh THAT'S DOABLE.

I think you're experiencing an Olberman Agreement Stroke. Breathe deeply and wait for him to say literally anything else so it'll pass.

Eager Beaver... Carter's Caboose... I would like to announce my new Appleton, Wisconsin venture: The Pussy Cock.

Look! It's a schooner!

I love second-hand stores and let me tell ya: if I found a fart bottle at one, I'd strongly think about leaving before slinking back to rummaging through the shoe bins.

It's like God said, "Fuck, I made it too cute. Better give it Horror Eyes"

Years ago I asked for a different size while trying on cheaply made bullshit at Forever 21. I'm 5'3, was probably 120 lbs at the time. Small waist, huge rack. The bitchy retail associate informed me that they were a "junior store" and "aren't likely to have anything that would fit you." Not only was that patently…

Dude! He's Black Doug!

You forgot to capitalize the "d" in "decision."

And this just reminds me of 1,000 Cats.