Seriously, I don't know where she came up with that line about deriving so much joy from someone else's pain but it displayed a startling presence of mind. Bra-fucking-vo.

OH MY GOD LUPITA YES. JLaw, be afraid. Lupita's coming for the throne.

"What color?"
"Burnt umber. What the fuck is wrong with you?"

JLaw! You do NOT take your girl down with you! Sister Rules! Know them, follow them.

OMFuckingG, Kerry Washington in that dress with that bump. Cutesplosion.

I thought we agreed Florida is the dick of America? All news from that state is like perpetual Opposite Day.

That's funny, I only get off when the beau is banging me like a screen door in a hurricane. Different strokes. Literally!

My kryptonite had baby blues too. It doesn't matter if you miss him - you miss the idea of him because, from your own admission, it never worked out. Not all relationships work from minute 1 on but most, MOST really fucking do. Both participants have each other's best interests in mind and want to be with only the…

I was particularly inscensed at the obligatory low-hanging fruit of ripping on Bill Buckner all through the movie. I'm a MA native, a huge Sox fan and one of the biggest Buckner apologists. Enough already, fuck.

Who the hell are you sucking off???

I live in Austin. When this AP headline screamed across my phone, my heart stopped.

Trying to figure out how often you can come in late or how early you can jet makes you a big fat douchey douche nozzle. Don't get me wrong; some jobs are just begging to fuck off at but generally you're making the whole office uncomfortable with your bullshit. Most non-satanic managers want you to shape up so you can…

Thanks, Wednesday.

Yeah, that grossed me out too. We already have enough shitbags: Jesse James, Romeo Rose, Lance, Billy Bob Thornton. Fuck.

Ha! Yes it does.

I am going to attempt to not panic about this like I did H1N1. And Avian flu. And cancer. And asteroids. I'm kinda a panicky person.

That's weird. I gave birth to a baby recently and not once during my pregnancy did I have a child in my uterus.

God DAMMIT, I hate Bode Miller.

Panic attacks suck ass. My rational-minded beau had to be convinced they're a real thing because it's so hard to relate what they're like. Distraction always helps me. Movement, change of scenery, music, etc. The most important thought I always globbed onto is, "This too shall pass." Good luck. We all support you.

VERY nice.