There's a closed La Bare next to my office in downtown Austin. Shut down a few years ago after a few stabbing incidents with strippers and patrons. Too bad, I'd hit it up for lunch if it were still open.

My problem with Stuart Townsend was his pulling a bit too much face. It spoke of unnatural acting and put me off him entirely.

Little too flat for me.

I would wear Alexander Skarsgård's ass as a hat.

That Challenger reference... Woof.

"The economic outlook is rosy."

It's an out-of-body experience, totally alien. I can't believe I did that and I can't believe he's mine. Sure glad I did and he is though.

That has got to be hyperbole but I'll take it.

Never!

I gave birth on Friday so this was my New Year's Eve. Babies FTW!!!!!
(Bottle usage due to latching/sucking issues and blood sugar testing equipment failure at the hospital that resulted in an unnecessary extra day's stay. What a fucking shitshow that was.)

Jesus, that woman's mouth in the headline photo looks like a B-horror movie portal to hell. No me gusta.

My fiancée's 3 week paternity and my 3 month maternity leave starts tomorrow when I go in to be induced! Yay babies! Yay Dads around for babies! Yays!

Damn, you know it's not even 10am where I am? You had to go all female castration on us before my caffeine kicks in, day after Christmas? Shit...

Jeez, I know working this delivery season sucks but dude's gotta keep his brown shorts untwisted.

Props to handling your familial situation in stride. I'm a one thing in, two things out person myself. Keeps my crazy in check. Anyone else have any good tips for when garage sale signs come a-callin'?

Blacking out in Massachusetts isn't a warning sign. That's a Thursday evening.

I've fucking LIVED on apples with peanut butter this whole fricken pregnancy. No one has to tell me to eat nuts, that shit's delish. (Though if I had just eaten nuts I probably wouldn't have gotten knocked up in the first place, a-WINK.)

We're having a cold snap here in Texas, our wood is usually much bigger than that.

Holy shit, I am a freezebaby. I feel like you just gave it a name like Bastian naming The Childlike Empress in Never Ending Story. I feel whole. And slightly chilly.

You keep fucking that chicken, Conservatives. Though I'm pretty sure there's something in that book of yours that says you're not supposed to screw animals...