I had to know what she looked like assembled so I botched this up in Paint. I now share this with you, Dear Reader.

Where are his glasses? He can't see without his glasses!

FUCKING ADORABLE.

Nah man, this shit is too 90's. Spaghetti straps for days...

Oh fucking yes, I so fucking would. God yes.

Does Google Maps have an "avoid school zones" option as well?

I have an Associate's Degree from a community college with most of the credits coming from psychology classes (read: my degree is fucking useless.) I run a million dollar small business; pays well and I've got a lot of clout and flexibility. I got here by taking every. fucking. job. I could get. Starting with…

The cover art looks like she's standing in front of a cardboard cut out. Her torso is 2 dimensional. Whatthefuck.

I live in Texas now and this makes me miss crisp fall evenings at the football fields in Massachusetts. The band never played anything more recent than "My Girl," but still.

Hope everyone's insurance was paid up. These guys' premiums are going to be so high they'll have to discover the lost city of El Dorado to cover them.

Tricky answer. Dogs are so cultivated to react to human behavioral signals that a lot of what we think is their understanding of object permanence is really their processing out clues and using other senses such as smell and sight. They have a little of their own but we think they have more because of their astounding…

I was assured by ALL the internets, TV,etc. that this Jets team would be the worst team in the league come regular season. I am not seeing that. I will happily sit with my knife and fork ready to eat my words whenever a real implosion occurs.

If I never read or heard the phrase "that being said" again, I would pledge my life to good deeds and less masturbation. Hate that phrase.

My favorite juice glass from childhood has never been more appropriate.

All the Salon "massive tool" article did was reinforce that Carson Daly's actually pretty cool and Seacrest is a giant twat.

With how long garlic lasts once you've bought it and all the ridiculous contraptions available for mincing, pressing and generally coaxing the garlic into usefulness, there is absolutely no excuse for buying that preminced bullshit.

You just blew the tops off every Conservatard's skull in America with that headline.

Yeah, this girl sucks really bad. So does Weiner. Blech.

The first time I heard about a father "not doing diapers," I was floored. How would you choose to procreate/stay with a guy who honestly thought it was OK to opt out of that?

My cluster of friends are Massachusetts transplants living in Austin. We. Hate. Everything. It's our lifeblood. Hate is pure. Hate connects us to home (which we hate.) Hate proudly.