“greenish discharge” from his penis,

Zombie Lucy?

Honestly I much prefer a costume/theme party to one with a cryptic dress code. My friend’s wedding invite instructed guests to dress in Napa Valley formal, like WTF is that? 

I’ve called police twice over men creeping around taking pictures (outside of a schoolyard and a public pool). The cops told me outside of talking to them and suggesting they scram, there’s not much they can do (you know, until something actually happens to child, sigh).

I’m just happy the creep was reported to police instead of being dismissed as a “harmless dirty old man”.

On my last birthday I had a bad day and I was dreaming of a large goblet of wine when I got home. Instead I got a violent stomach flu. Sad poop emoji would have been apropros.

My brother and I were so excited to try Orbitz, we thought it was, like, the drink of the future. I remember we high fived before trying it. Then spat it out, cause it was gross.

Ok, we can all agree that CC (blackberry and raspberry) was the nectar of the gods. But it had as much sugar as soda.

Bah, it’s young, beautiful Rita Oras this that make me feel like the old mom at the park. A pox on their house (not really, congratulations attractive D-listers).

Yes, he went out of his way to surround himself with the worst of the worst. Whenever Trump turns on one of his own, there’s a 100% chance that they’re an asshole in their own right who deserves their Orange Overlord’s abuse.

I am old enough to remember people not voting for Gore because he was dull.

I do believe American evangelicals played a role in anti-gay atrocities in Uganda as well. Those fuckers get around.

Was thinking more of the Mooch.

Look who he replaced Spicy with. IT CAN ALWAYS GET WORSE (Trump 2020 campaign slogan/promise TM).

While I fully endorse your Sessions hatred, you just know Trump will replace him with someone worse. That’s really been the only thing he’s been successful at, finding the most unimaginably horrible person for each job (or just giving it to Kushner).

Please let the term “crooked Hillary” die. I’m begging you.

I was annoyed, but he lucked out, I was able to get a tubal ligation at the same time as my C-section. Otherwise the debate could have raged for years.

Tom Hardy’s hotness makes unwatchable shit tolerable (I’m looking at you, Taboo), it could only add to an already good movie.

Right? No matter the horror story, there’s a 99% chance any woman who has given birth can one up it and then some.