I’m always super impressed when animals start walking around right after being born. I had to drag my kids asses around for, like, a year before they learned to do that. Wait, are we on the wrong end of evolution? That would explain a lot.

Can we trade fake Debbie Reynolds and get Carrie Fisher back?

Humans have come close, really close, to total extinction and yet we figured out a way to cling in there, like a spider in a toilet bowl.

I’m unbelievably sorry to hear that. Was going to try to write something philosophical but I’d probably fuck it up, so again I’m so sorry, that’s tragic. Fuck.

Trailblazer? Culture of divorce? So every step she takes in her life is special and significant to culture because she’s involved? When she gets old and incontinent is she going to be a trailblazer of pooping her pants?

Poor Kim and Kanye. I think even my basic ass family Christmas photo is better lit than theirs.

I’m just so grateful to have had a role-model who was smart and tough when I was a little girl growing up in the 80's.

Because 2016 has made me deeply pessimistic, I’m desperately hoping another network that’s even shittier than A&E doesn’t take this concept and run with it. These goofballs need to be shunned, ignored and ostracized, full stop.

No, lots of dummies kicked up a big fuss about Alanis playing god at the time.

Well they decimated abortion access in Texas and it didn’t hurt republicans in the election. People love to vote against their own self-interests.

As the saying goes, in times of chaos, the rights of women and minorities are the first to go. These fringe groups are just waiting in the wings for their chance.

She heard it being referenced on Entertainment Tonight and realized this Bacon thing was bigger than 2 Canadian pre-teens from the suburbs.

This is terrible, 2016 is terrible.

My mother believed for years that my brother and I invented the Kevin Bacon game.

Ugh, with my second kid it felt like someone was shoving a knife up my crotch for the entire pregnancy and my dr was totally indifferent about it. You have my sympathy. And, full disclosure, I smoked 2 or 3 times during that pregnancy.

Knew it wasn’t going to happen (I secretly hoped it was going to happen).

Honestly, the first time I heard it I kind of liked it too. After listening to it 50+ times I came to the conclusion that it was written by Satan himself.

At least your mom’s in the right decade. My mom’s ringtone is the Sex and the City theme song.

If a Nobody is cheating on another Nobody with Nobody is it really cheating?

English is also their second language, meaning we had to go over the lyrics in painstaking detail. Believe you me, those are some stupid lyrics.