When you say: "Young men have a huge potential to change the world and make it a better place for everyone..." you need to then finish the fucking thought and say HOW. Otherwise you're just a vapid idiot spouting empty slogans that are automatically read in Derek Zoolander voice. And I'd really like to continue…

Is it okay to like/really enjoy the fun they are having in the video - except for some of the balcony stuff (I am old) - without actually liking this particular song, or will the Beygency punish me in some way?

If anyone ever reacts distastefully to my love for (non-human version) Beast, I will end them.

I was gonna go with "angry manhating feminist", which will go well with the "and beloved husband" part, I think. It will make people think when they walk past my grave.

My sister-in-law and niece are coming to town next week, and for some inexplicable reason my wife has planned a bunch of events to go do for fun on that Black Friday, including a trip to a play land style place that is in one of the biggest malls in the Dallas / Fort Worth area. I reminded her how awful traffic would…

In their defense, I bet the jokes are at least as much for their own benefit as for yours. As unpleasant as it is to get probed, I can't believe they look forward to it a whole lot either. And it's always awkward when your doctor is a guy you've also known outside the office for years.

Last winter was pretty harsh in Illinois. I made this:

Ash nazg TimeWarnicus! Ash nazg TeeMoble! Ash nazg COMCASTIUM!

"not even as funny as just saying the word "poop" aloud to yourself on the elevator"

I know it's really terrible, but the word "hosebeast" always makes me laugh. It just has a ring to it.

Also, really deep burns cause nerve damage to the point where they don't always hurt right away (like, not until they start healing).

Honestly, I feel like it would be a good idea for people that eat meat to attend something like this at least once. (Maybe not quite so expensive, though.) I think it would be a positive change for people to see where their food comes from and how it is prepared. Vegetarians and vegans could go to a farm where…

The waiter approached.

hahahaha SEXXXXYYYY SUPPLY CHAIN MANAGEMENT SOFTWARE

At my school, we had a "Christmas Break," and the day before it we all sat around for a Christmas play and then the choir sang Christmas carols and all sorts of other religious bullshit. That was in 2008, btw, and in a neighboring county to these assholes.

This guy is awesome. Perhaps Rick Scott should take some notes that the secret to longevity might be living a positive life and staying busy giving back.

I tried as well. #notallcheeseheads

Too many tween and young adult stories involve no parents/adults. Total crap. This is how it would really go.