“Jesus, cocker spaniels. Amirite, ladies???”

We should let the market decide who has the babies from now on... I'm tired of BIG NATURE telling us how it has to be done

So, his family can only vote for Hillary over his dead body?

Ding. Ding. Ding. We have a winner! The ‘women stay home and raise children’ thing is SUCH a upper & middle class in the 50s thing - but we’re all aware that the republican party is stuck in a time warp there.

“Historically men worked and women stayed home”

How is babby form?

Nice people are perfect targets for assholes.

My favorite parts of the show are the little video bumpers where the accused father crosses his arms, sticks out his lip and shakes his head no. His mother is usually there, and words like ‘Sharonda be triflin’, and ‘no way my son is da baby daddy’ are thrown around. I imagine the director...’ now stand against the…

they will pry my combat boots (& my stuffed bear that yes i still cuddle with while i’m sleeping) from my cold, dead fingers. now that i’m 31 they are frye instead of doc martens but still.

Apparently a little extra weight helps stave off dementia!

1. Write stuff on GT
2. Become friends with a Jezebel writer
3. ???
4. PROFIT

(this is a joke, I don't actually think that's how he got his job.)

Silence yourselves and be quiet. Or I will call the Department of Redundancy Department!

Combat boots and dresses are very much back in. That’s the good thing about fashion—if you wait long enough, it all comes back in style.

Their PIN number so they can use the ATM machine (rolls eyes).

Oh yeah, I have this problem, too. Usually the disorder manifests itself in my fashion and dietary choices. Wait, combat boots and dresses aren’t appropriate everyday wear anymore?! Now I gain weight if I eat the entire pizza in one sitting?! Man, screw a bunch of this 36 year old nonsense.

20 minutes of cursing at getting ice cream all over the bra you must immediately handwash plus swatting every fucking gnat in five states while you speedwalk home with a snarl on your face will cure all those thoughts for you.

I had a running whale voiceover in my head “So, hello there little underwater guy, you’re new. Huh, you don’t do much do you? Well, you don’t look like food... So, what are you? Hmm, well, honestly little dude, you’re kinda boring and I’m getting hungry so, se ya around.”

Spoiler: It tastes exactly ice cream served in a waffle cone.

You guys should definitely take the time to watch more of these Nautilus live videos. They’re so soothing and interesting! The narrators are always endearing and it’s just like going along on super interesting scuba dives with a bunch of friends. Who dork out on things like seeing a rare crab or something. The entire…

being a nerd is a great thing yo