Skinny Shaming is skinny people going “but body acceptance movement doesn’t accept bodies that are already accepted by literally everyone.” Like, the fact that I’m supposed to make room and worry about the feelings of people who daily make me feel like a fucking alien galls me to no fucking end. Get that shit outta…

Men’s pillows have a cutout space in which they rest their penis. Therefore, the pillow takes less stuffing and costs less.

We need them for all the naked pillow fights we have.

They’re so much fucking better than your pillows, we keep them all stacked in the ladies room

Some of my best planning conversations happen when one of us is in the shower and the other one is pooping (we also have one bathroom). I don't see how that kills your sex life..

I guess there’s the evenly toned golden brown color of the bread, the edges of which are being gently caressed by soft fingers...the way the slices are gently parting to revea - um, I have to go now and do a thing at a place.

Also we are clearly doing it to teach you valuable life lessons and that material possessions are not nearly as important as us getting to do whatever the fuck we want, whenever the fuck we want.

And the dawnzer lee light!

I assume it looked something like this?

My last name is Everman, and I've kept that name through two marriages.

I had friends who were going to take a whole new name when they finally got married. Last I heard, he was pushing for "Awesome" so that, when she finished grad school, she'd be "Dr. Awesome."

I’m at the heaviest I’ve been. Also, I’m the healthiest I’ve been since being a teen (bulimia and anxiety issues). The thing is, I eat very healthy. And late I’ve been running quite a bit.

refresh.... refresh..... ...... refresh .... refr-yessssssssssssss

Ya’ll, I’m about 85% sure that I am going to die a spinter. Most of the time it doesn’t bother me in the slightest. I love cats and I’m not known for being cuddly. However tonight I am fiercely lonesome and would really enjoy a nice cuddle with a handsome man. Le sigh.

I made the horrible mistake of attempting gummy vitamins, and boy, oh boy did I pay the price. They made me so gassy. I was at work, on my period, and trying to (quietly) fart my way to freedom on a beautiful summer Friday while at work. Suddenly, I get the “I don’t think this is farts anymore” feeling.

That’s... EIGHT LOKOS!!! :-O

When I was 11 I went on a trip to Disneyworld with my family. Luckily for us, a shuttle launch was happening at Cape Canaveral one of the nights we were there, about an hour’s drive away. So, the night of the shuttle launch, after a long day of Disney-ing, we piled into the rental car and drove towards Cape Canaveral.…

Oh man, I don’t know if I’m going to be able to read this pissing contest or not. One of my worst fears is getting incredibly sick in a place where it would be super embarrassing. So far I’ve only ever been sick at home, or I’ve been able to make it home, but it’s bound to happen someday.

I’m also really scared I’m…

Whenever I eat mashed potatoes, I shape them into a box with my fork, and after each bite I reshape it into a slightly smaller box.