You better watch your mouth, or I will down some tallboys and come to your office to make gentle puns about your name.

I was sitting in the right field stands at Nats park back when he was playing for the Cardinals. The stadium was quiet because it had been a fairly uneventful game, and I’d had a lot to drink, so I decided to heckle him.

Frankly, they should have played the game in a park with trees and picnic tables and gopher holes and parked cars and an uneven surface and a concrete path running diagonally across the field.

Moneyblog

Don’t have one. Which explains our high bullpen ERA.

That’s all I could ever ask of you, Ned.

His visor reminds me of the little wraps we used to put around easter eggs as children.

Could be worse. What if he had been in possession of a truly dangerous substance, like a basket of strawberries?

My coach is the only man in the world who can pull off a visor. That alone is worth it.

This will be the opening scene of Christopher Nolan’s next movie: Zach Hample Begins

Joke’s on you, you can’t shit the bed while wearing a diaper.

This “Nick Castellanos” character is Kyrie Irving’s best disguise yet.

Also the Battlehawk is in Charlie Kelly’s diary right next to the Denim Chicken.

But what will the Vipers be called during the second half of the season when they are playing in Montreal?

A lively fisting!

Like most models, they look far better on paper than they will in real life.

Our quarterback is every bit the electric athlete Michael Vick was. Unfortunately, he throws like if you made Vick throw with the wrong arm.

Maybe if he stood still a bit less he would warm up enough to take his dang hoodie off.

Big Ben is the least likable player in a league that employs Tom Brady. I now have to root for asshole Antonio Brown to have a huge season for Jon Fucking Gruden because the alternative would bring joy to this mongoloid fanbase. If you could Thanos-snap every Steeler fan out of existence, a Republican would never win…

It’s *you’re, Terry.