I actually hoped he would retire over this. Because even though I am a hypocrite who still watches and follows the NFL religiously, I am basically rooting for every player in the league to retire at all times and hopefully save themselves from a life of misery.

The south of the northeast!

Fewer*. You must also be from the south.

“Picture you were a driver of a car and you had a wreck and your passenger’s foot was severed off, but they didn’t understand their anatomy. They look down, they’re spurting blood, they open the door, and limp to the woods and either die bleeding to death or shock. The horny man looks down, finds the foot, and takes…

Have you ever met an American Christian? I guarantee that 90% of them couldn’t tell you who Abraham is, and would probably think you meant Lincoln, our first president.

If mocking the browns is wrong, I don’t wanna be right.

Liberté, égalité, fraternité, défaite! 

Say what you will about Nick Foles, but he will never have this issue.

Every play Bryce Harper makes in right would look like that if the ball were shaped like a helmet.

I say that to my wife every night, but she never agrees.

Good! Maybe the Chinese will finally start taking climate change seriously.

“Kudos, Nathan, on a job...done.”

Fuse the best parts of the 2018 Bills QB room together

AND I DON’T LIKE KIDS TODAY PLAYING THAT HIPPITY HOP MUSIC. HURTS MY EARS.

That man is Smeagol just before he finds the Precious.

If you like Bernie’s policy positions, that’s fine. So do I! (with a few major exceptions). I’m not a Biden guy, but I would strongly prefer someone like Elizabeth Warren who holds similar positions but with, ya know, some details.

Jon Gruden is a shouting egomaniac with a wildly inflated opinion of himself and a legion of crazy followers. His time has come and gone, but he simply refuses to do us all a favor and go away.

She and Pete have probably already interacted on some sort of healing crystals message board.

Boy, he is really immune to your charms.

Presidential candidate NFL coaching equivalents: