When Brad hit that step-back jumper, all of the clocks in my house stopped. They haven’t moved since. It’s 10:29pm forever now.

Do you keep your arm constantly damp and in close proximity to a body of water? If not, you are a bad frog tattoo owner.

You post a long, amazing quote about a hellacious crash, and then you post a 9 minute video with zero crashes in it.

These belong on Pornhub.

Haha, to be fair, I’m not arguing that Phelps wasn’t dominant. I’m not even arguing that Federer is a “better” athlete (whatever that means).

He was never dominant in freestyle, which is the most basic and fundamental swimming stroke.

Still nowhere close is an awfully bold statement.

Hey.

Counterpoint: Superman II is the best Superman movie ever made.

The Wizards feel like a team that would improve significantly if you replaced all of their players with different players of equal or even slightly lesser talent.

I am (weirdly) a fan of the Caps, Nats, Wiz, and Dolphins. Dan Marino’s final game was a crippling, humiliating 62-7 playoff loss to the Jaguars, and yet that somehow wasn’t nearly as painful as all of the coinflip losses that the Nats and Caps keep taking postseason after postseason.

The most idiotic thing in all of sports is this comment.

The most fitting thing to happen on Sunday would be for Tom Brady’s leg to snap in eight places

Yep. This is why anytime I sense that I am beginning to fall, I immediately put my hands behind my back and try to land on my face. It’s a well-known fact that the face is the most durable part of the human body.

I only wish that this pizza had been as willing to fight for its life.

If I pretend to be Lauren’s mom, is that my ticket to finally getting out of the grays?

Eli “King Solomon” Apple

I grew up a Virginia Tech fan, and in 2001 when we were number 5 in the country I carved a Grant Noel pumpkin. Then we went out and lost to Syracuse and I hurled it out of my bedroom window into the driveway, four days before Halloween.