From a random internet stranger whose advice and biases you have no incentive to trust but I’m gonna say it anyway:

It sounds like your husband isn’t happy if he doesn’t find you physically attractive all the time, though, and he’s putting the responsibility for that on you. Personally, I would find that kind of constant pressure exhausting and stressful, and exhaustion and stress are not what I look for in a relationship.

In addition to the many distressing things about your story, I’d say the fact that he’s putting pressure on you to be willing to “work on” your body, without any indication that he’s going to “work on” his expectations, is the biggest indicator of shitty emotional manipulation on his part.

starring to agree w everything you say but also interesting on the picture front!

I agree that the article has a fair point, the difference is, your husband wants you to change. He's putting the onus on you for his lack of attraction (if that is even what this is) unlike the authors husband who obviously loves her and isn't telling her to change her body. And, that is where the distinction is for…

Hmm. I struggle with this. I’m completely against body shaming, but I’m becoming increasingly less attracted to my increasingly chubby boyfriend. When I met him over a year ago, he was in the process of losing a bunch of weight, super active, an avid cyclist, and cared about the nutritional value of the food he ate.…

So what does he want? are you still too skinny for him? Did you gain too much weight? Are you and hourglass and he wants a tiny girl? IF your efforts at health haven’t worked to make him happy, then he’s and asshole. He isn’t saying, “well I wish you’d work out with me because I like the activity” or critiquing your…

It’s been ten years and just now he has decided he could never be with someone with your body type? WTF?

Oh, honey. No. His hyper-focus on your body and his request that you “work on” it means that this relationship is going to be a constant audition for you — “am I hot enough now?” “what about now?” “what about NOW?” — and it’s not going to make either of you happy. Take care of yourself.

That’s very thoughtful advice, and I honestly hadn’t considered the idea that it might be something like a libido issue/etc. He and I are in a kinda stressful/chaotic period of our lives and that might actually be part of it! I appreciate you sharing your own experience... it’s nice that a stranger on the internet can…

I would rarely say this unequivocally, but I say dump him, dump him, dump him. This will never end and you will likely become more and more insecure about it, and you don’t deserve that. Trust me, any woman he is with will suffer the same treatment. His problem is not with you, but with women’s bodies in general, and…

Damn. Don’t blame you at all. That’s just such a shitty thing to say to someone, and I don’t think I’d ever get over it either.

Thank you everyone for your replies... It does help to know that I’m not crazy in maybe thinking this was off-base!

No, I would be too. I have enough insecurities; if someone I was in a serious relationship with told me that, I’d be crushed.

I agree. I think this dynamic would be a deal-breaker for me. You can see photos of them on the internet, and he is not the Adonis she makes him out to be. The author is clearly very in love with him - which makes him beautiful in her eyes. That he doesn’t have the same feelings about her is sad. She is a perfectly…

I went through something very similar, only I had no idea that my boyfriend had any hangups about my body until (in a restaurant, while HE was eating and not me because I wasn’t hungry) he blurted out, “I know I don’t have a perfect body, but don’t you think you should exercise more?” Well, my body issues have always…

I’m sorry you had to go through that! It’s nice that he’s able to be honest but your impulse towards disgust is also well founded IMO.

Oh, honey. I know this is none of my business, but I simply can’t help wanting you to run in the opposite direction as fast as possible.

Everyone on TV is hotter than people IRL. If I were jealous of celebrities/fictional characters my partner found attractive, and he of me, we’d both explode. There’s a huge difference between the looks of someone who, for all intents and purposes isn’t real, and say, the way they look at the neighbor.

I imagine that most people would be. I’m a guy and I would be most certainly be devastated if my gf said she didn’t find my physically attractive.