So, John Elway is Carol? Would watch.

Using this post as an excuse to post this:

I know where this is going

Fine, but after the singularity happens can I come over to your place to do laundry?

I thought of that, but I am willing to sacrifice our species to not have to add detergent every time I do laundry.

That’s ridiculous. Whoever heard of this month, April, that you speak of? April is a girl’s name.

This makes me feel like a kid again! Thanks for the opportunity to reminisce. I used to love my marbles, until I lost them.

My recently deceased cat was also a one-eyed boy. One-eyed cats are badass and still beautiful.

Yeah I’m digging this. Let’s keep it this way.

And I’m falling for it like a Trump supporter.

You know about time zones, right?

but, like, I’m okay with it??

PANDERING.

Wow, you got them all right, in the correct order, the first time! Deadspin writers always fail at that.

Communism!

It’s like a beautiful Gawker Reese’s cup

Thank god it's not retroactive. Antonio Cromartie would be on paid leave through the 2019 season.

2018!! Great! I’ll just put off reproducing until I’m way into my 40s and can start considering being able to juggle and afford kids.

That is fantastic news. Now we just need to mandate/expand FMLA across the rest of the country.

I feared no actual news would be covered today, just “lol feminism sports lol”