Are the children on that plate drowning in an ocean of urine? Is that what I’m seeing?

“Hello, fellow friend senator. Have you done any good senating lately?”

I belong to a religion that believes that each letter of each word must be pronounced individually. I just founded this religion, and of course, as the founder, I reserve the right to violate my own tenets as circumstances dictate.

That “h” is there and I intend to use it, gosh dangit!

To her, the child is probably a toy, too. If you make a Venn diagram of people who don’t take guns seriously and people who don’t take parenting seriously, she’s right at the intersection.

Yeah, sure, it was an accident. I see you over there hiding your Olympic javelin medals.

Guns protect from danger the same way magnets protect from illness. Except magnets don’t cause illness.

The Internet exists so you can be horribly inappropriate. Indulge yourself.

Separate the people from the people? Actually that’s not a terrible idea ...

By Jove, you’re right! Give that kid a police uniform and a sidearm.

If we’re very, very lucky, this could be the very last time we ever see the name “Carly Fiorina” in a headline. That is, until she unveils her true raptor form at the GOP convention and flies off with Kim Davis in one set of talons and Erick Erickson in the other to feed her brood in the mountains of Mordor.

I’d like to deny that I ever watched The Cosby Show, but I live in reality, so I can’t.

Yeah, it’s tough, because without polls we’d have to rely on pundits and “experts” to get an idea of how the races are shaping up, and they’re even less reliable than a broken polling system. To borrow Joanna’s metaphor, it’s the difference between following highway signs that are probably wrong, vs. signs that are…

Since these pollsters make money, rather than operating out of the goodness of their hearts, they’re not going to go away. So there are just a few options for this situation to get better:

I’m just going to throw this idea out there ....

I don’t like birds as pets, with the exception of yours. Your bird is OK by me.

At least there’s one thing that we and the God squad can agree upon.

Every day that she goes unpunched is a testament to your sterling moral fiber. I salute you, it is hard to resist the urge when confronted by those who so richly deserve it.

One tends to decline over time, and the other is just a flat line at zero.

Good point. Also, Wayne always gives me extra ketchup packets.