Ding ding ding, we have a winner!

“I’m curious, Nancy, who is this Andropov fella who keeps calling me? Speaks with a kind of a strange accent. Is he trying to get me into the next RKO talkie?”

“Ronald Reagan once punched a hole in a cow just so he could see who was comin’ up the road.”

Yeah, at least there’s evidence to support the idea that Teddy Roosevelt was intellectually curious. And I suppose you could easily say that his IC factor was higher than, for example, Snooki.

What does that even mean? How would you even begin to back up an assertion like that?

I suppose from Mejia’s perspective, there’s little downside to concocting a cockamamie story like this one. He’s unlikely to ever pitch in any top-level league ever again, so why not throw a hail mary in the hopes that someone buys it? Even a crazy longshot is better than no shot at all.

Alternatively, supposing that someone at MLB actually did make such a threat, why would they bother to follow through on it? What do they gain?

After Harper falls off:

So they seriously expect a person to attend 40 home games, or give away whatever tickets they can’t use? I’ve never looked into season tix but I always assumed that most who have them resell a good chunk.

Wait till they start charging the players admission to enter the arena.

Ogilvie Juniper, AKA “the OG Jump-Jump,” AKA “OJ,” was illegitimate son of the hereditary baron of the duchy of Southeast Schleswig who arose to fame the late 1770s. OJ was known to frequent the local houses of ill repute in the duchy, not as a client, but to distribute his tracts of ribald poetry featuring members of…

They have to do due diligence now to make up for all the due diligence they didn’t do back when they shoulda done did it.

Mitt: “Donald, you can’t say out loud that the GOP hates all minorities, women and the disadvantaged. You can whisper it behind closed doors (make sure to confiscate any cellphone cameras!), but in public all you can do is put forward supposedly color-blind policies that just incidentally happen to negatively impact…

Be vewy, vewy, qwiet ...

I have a serious Prius/electric car phobia. Those things are so dang quiet. It’s like they’re sneaking up on us.

The only place on the list where you get a tip instead of leaving one.

How was the service when you were hit by a car? Were you seated quickly?

Yeah, Paul was able to inherit his dad’s base of Libertarian-flavored Republicans and Republican-flavored Libertarians. As long as he keeps them happy he’ll always have that constituency.

In the last year of Blagojevich’s reign of terror he was going through PR flacks like water. I expect the same for Christie.

“I am not a hostage. Absolutely do not send a SWAT team to 113 S. Trenton Ave. Do not have them bring a large supreme pizza and a 2-liter of Diet Coke. Do not have them barge into this building and smuggle me to a waiting van.”