The Internet exists so you can be horribly inappropriate. Indulge yourself.

Separate the people from the people? Actually that’s not a terrible idea ...

By Jove, you’re right! Give that kid a police uniform and a sidearm.

If we’re very, very lucky, this could be the very last time we ever see the name “Carly Fiorina” in a headline. That is, until she unveils her true raptor form at the GOP convention and flies off with Kim Davis in one set of talons and Erick Erickson in the other to feed her brood in the mountains of Mordor.

I’d like to deny that I ever watched The Cosby Show, but I live in reality, so I can’t.

Yeah, it’s tough, because without polls we’d have to rely on pundits and “experts” to get an idea of how the races are shaping up, and they’re even less reliable than a broken polling system. To borrow Joanna’s metaphor, it’s the difference between following highway signs that are probably wrong, vs. signs that are…

Since these pollsters make money, rather than operating out of the goodness of their hearts, they’re not going to go away. So there are just a few options for this situation to get better:

I’m just going to throw this idea out there ....

I don’t like birds as pets, with the exception of yours. Your bird is OK by me.

At least there’s one thing that we and the God squad can agree upon.

Every day that she goes unpunched is a testament to your sterling moral fiber. I salute you, it is hard to resist the urge when confronted by those who so richly deserve it.

One tends to decline over time, and the other is just a flat line at zero.

Good point. Also, Wayne always gives me extra ketchup packets.

Ding ding ding, we have a winner!

“I’m curious, Nancy, who is this Andropov fella who keeps calling me? Speaks with a kind of a strange accent. Is he trying to get me into the next RKO talkie?”

“Ronald Reagan once punched a hole in a cow just so he could see who was comin’ up the road.”

Yeah, at least there’s evidence to support the idea that Teddy Roosevelt was intellectually curious. And I suppose you could easily say that his IC factor was higher than, for example, Snooki.

What does that even mean? How would you even begin to back up an assertion like that?

I suppose from Mejia’s perspective, there’s little downside to concocting a cockamamie story like this one. He’s unlikely to ever pitch in any top-level league ever again, so why not throw a hail mary in the hopes that someone buys it? Even a crazy longshot is better than no shot at all.

Alternatively, supposing that someone at MLB actually did make such a threat, why would they bother to follow through on it? What do they gain?