If everything is a sandwich then nothing is a sandwich.

This is called an “Italian Sausage Sandwich.”

Tacos are sandwiches.

Who thinks tacos are sandwiches, and why aren’t they in jail?

This is a valid opinion, because coyotes do eat small pets and scream like banshees at unreasonable hours.

Now just imagine this man in a position of actual power. American freedom of the press: July 4, 1776 - January 20, 2017. It’s been a good run.

Make America Great Again. So Great, its Great Leader whips up angry mobs to retaliate on his behalf when his feelings get hurt. So Great, members of the media need Secret Service protection.

It’s almost as if harassment and intimidation are an integral part of his campaign.

The “Hillary Clinton” = “Lady MacBeth” line of thinking has always been strong in the public consciousness. When a man does something wrong, it’s because a woman is to blame. Like that time Eve made Adam eat the fruit from the tree of knowledge.

I want to bury my face in my hands but I don’t think I can go deep enough.

You should never lose your job for needing to see a doctor ffs, especially when it’s for something like finding out if you have effing MS. I’m so sorry :(

In the last twelve months, I have had the following:
*nerve test + neurologist evaluation for MS, strokes, etc
*breathing test
*rheumatologist appointment
*several GP appointments for pain, nerve issues, whooping cough, allergies, and medication reaction
*~6 blood tests, including inflammation and antibody tests
*Xrays on…

I don’t want Canadian anything. I learned that the hard way after ordering Canadian bacon.

Drinking? No. Stress eating? YUP

Is anybody else drinking A LOT more than usual these days?

Sign number eight bajillion and seventy-eleventh that I’m a blackhearted bitch: When I saw the green cups this morning, I was legitimately delighted when I realized how many people were going to be PIIIIISSED at the lack of red cups right now.

At least we don’t have to initiate a conversation with the barista about race

They also found a piece of a plane windshield that matched the design of her aircraft and a shoe in her size and a brand she was known to wear.

The only thing at this point that would cause Trump to implode (rather than a messy world-holds-its-breath loss) is a video in which he calls his supporters “a bunch of fucking idiots who believe whatever I want them to.”

I ran a stopsign once but it was the intersection’s fault for making it so easy. But also I had to pee so it was partly my bladder’s fault.