Y’all crack me up. 35? The thirties are the shit! The forties are the shit! Fifties? Sure, the hangovers get worse and hair goes grey, but shit - Any day you wake up on the sunny side of the topsoil is pretty good!

“How can I get rid of lingering customers who hang out for hours?”

You let them sit there for nine hours? You coward. Unless this is your sidewalk lemonade stand that they’re squatting, you’re an adult. So act like one and use your words. Hand them their bill and tell them to hit the fucking bricks. How hard can this be? What, are you worried you’ll lose their future business?

I would argue that employers should just over hire just a little bit. They seem to want to hire exactly the number they need. In some cases, they hire even less than they need and just want their employees to work harder. My store is currently understaffed and overworked. Employees are miserable and that cuts down on…

Nothing threatens a white person quite like a black person earning money.

What if I told you that I agree with you? What if I told you that was what my first comment was about the whole time?

The story is just the worst. It’s got one of film’s least necessary and most humorously improbable villains in Cary Elwes’ moustache twirling rival storm chaser. And the late great PSH is just fucking irritating. Then there’s the climactic tornado that pretty much Jaws from Jaws 4. 

I am only exposed to Brits 40 hours a week and it is incredibly hard to resist some of it rubbing off, *especially* the “DID you?”/“IS it?”/“IS she?”/“IS he?” chirpy auto-response. I can only imagine what it’s like for MM being aroumd them, and only them, 24/7. Give the girl a break!

And feminism doesn’t require we support shitty women from the consequences of doing and saying shitty things.

“We were embarrassed,” Major League Eating president Rich Shea told ESPN.

Oh, it must be a day ending in “-day.”

Hopefully cancer has left the Elvis.

“Is it rude to ask the server to throw away my trash?”

He wants a judge with a hot wife. It’s literally how he judges competence and self-worth - no hot wife? obviously you’re a loser. Hot wife? hey you must be smart and rich, just like him!

I was about to say “Enjoy your dumb tiny crumb cake” I then realized that’s not so bad.

Agreed, my wife and I raise our 11 kids farming beets on a parcel of the gentry’s land and we don’t have any problems except long winters and mountain lions.

Perhaps you should try to have kids before spouting this nonsense. What a load of horseshit.

This is seriously challenging the universe, you two. Quit trying so hard! Be married! Have your careers and kids and shut up already!

And people wonder why some just won’t attend a potluck, no matter how hard they try to get people to attend.