I can’t imagine dragging a bag of soggy McNuggets into the school cafeteria. Gross.

TAKE YOUR STAR. I booed out loud but dammit, take a star.

Everyone knew what Trump was about, too. And here we are. Never underestimate the stupidity of a human.

Same plastic surgeon. Maybe they got a group discount.

There is probably a lot of eyebrow-raising and nodding and arm flailing, trying to keep that silent body language going! Or... they’re all morons and it shows. Either-or.

You say that like it’s a bad thing.

Interesting! I mostly used it in the mid-90s to flunk out of college and have world-ending hangovers. 

I have a 40-ounce Yeti tumbler that is for coffee in the morning (keeps it hot) and booze in the afternoon (keeps it cold). This is how you do it. None of this fancy, breakable “glass” nonsense. If you’re really serious about your booze, you need something unbreakable and hard to spill. 

YOU SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH.

HERE’S HOPING. *fingers crossed*

I can’t even believe it. I truly thought she was magic and would live forever. Her voice was not of this world.

“Ain’t” is the result of language drift. Language is a living entity that changes over time and what is acceptable now (not in a formal academic paper, but certainly in an internet comment) may not have been acceptable in the past.

I was in the world’s shittiest bar once and they were selling Sutter Home wine for $5 a glass. That shit is $5 a BOTTLE, and will kill you.

New Jersey has BYOB because the liquor license situation here is ridiculous. It usually means beer and wine only, so it’s not like you can roll up to the joint with a handle of Maker’s Mark and get ready to party.  That’s what flasks are for!

Who hurt you?

I see he’s taking eyebrow grooming tips from Carrot Top.

This should be shocking news, but it’s not. And that’s sad. 

My Kindle has forward/back buttons (actual buttons, because my Kindle is the tech equivalent of papyrus) on both sides. Very helpful, and one of the major reasons why I refuse to upgrade it until it dies for real.

When I was a student, I spent $$$ in buying left-handed notebooks. Since I take notes by hand (because I am An Old), having that spiral on the correct side made all the difference in the world.

You are ON FIRE today. Keep up the good work!