You lay hands on my child and I will beat you with a chair.

Exactly. I feel weird being in a place where I’m kind of on Team Melania, but she didn’t want this damn job and she’s not getting paid to do it so why should she?

I did and did not need this knowledge in my life.

You’re right. Those are more akin to how *I* do frog jumps, haha.

Fuck that, those are frog jumps.

I. Hate. Burpees. So. Much.

This is easy, even without a lighter. But I will say that synthetic corks are easier to extract via this method than natural corks.

That... can backfire. There’s a reason why What’s-His-Name and I didn’t get our security deposit back from our first apartment.

Slightly north of the shore, but still Jersey.

No, it’s always been Cedar Point.

Accurate, especially given how wide that goddamn beach is. You have to walk the length of Tatooine to get to the damn water.

Same reaction. Since when are feathers edible by any other animal? What’s the nutritional value there?

Mead is more a wine and it keeps REALLY well for a REALLY long time (if properly stored).

I don’t know but I drank a 25-year-old bottle of wine last weekend and it was... different. Not bad, but... different.

This is a great plan except for the fact that chloroform is way harder to get than movies would make you think. I’ve tried.

Jonathan irritated me SO MUCH in the first two episodes, but by the end I was all, “MORE JONATHAN OH MY GOD HE IS SO POSITIVE AND SPARKLY AND FUN.”

Make meatballs!!

The “Matt Damon” effect.

The way these scenes were described were almost exactly what I went through as a kid by my abuser. “this is normal, just relax. This is how it’s done, you’re fine, think of something else.”

Weird Al is America’s single greatest cultural treasure.