Smoke enough weed, anything is plausible.

The Ghirardelli triple-fudge mix is good in a pinch. I’ve started making a fudge brownie situation from the New York Times and while the steps are a little fiddly and 6 eggs seems like a lot (it is), the brownies are ACE.

Do you have a Wegmans nearby? They have half-loaves of their breads and they are perfect for a 1-person or a low-carb family.

A million years ago, when I took a public speaking class, one of my classmates who worked in a dairy gave a very informative speech about how the dates on the milk jug are absolute bullshit. He said that for milk you get in the grocery, pour a little into a glass and smell it - it should smell pretty much like…

Sometimes the trash takes itself out.

There’s a place we used to go in college that had a menu item called “the trough” and it was served in one of those buffet-style trays. For $15 you could order that and eat for a week.

THIS. If you don’t like how my ass looks, stop looking at it, pervo.

Yes, but 9 times out of 10, that is what an *actual* portion of food should be. If your food is being served in a trough, they’re giving you way too much.

They already are. My 6th-grader has been doing active shooter/lockdown drills since Kindergarten.

My kid was legit convinced she was allergic to McDonald’s for the first 7 or 8 years of her life. I don’t know where she got this idea, except for the fact that we never took her there, ever, and so maybe she figured an “allergy” was why? Most of her classmates suffer from one allergy or another so maybe that’s it.

What I would like would be for a restaurant to allow me to order online or via text without being involved in Seamless et al. Because I am hearing-impaired, I avoid talking on the phone whenever possible, ESPECIALLY to order food. The person on the line is likely busy as hell, doing three things at once, barely…

Yea, verily, if thou shalt be female or if thou shalt be in possession of melanin, thou shalt be restricted from the Sacrament of the Blessed Do-Over.

I feel terrible for his victims (and there have GOT to be more than just these two, there always are) but watching him finally become relevant to the current conversation in the exact opposite way he’d like is filling me with laughs.

And Jesus sayeth, ‘thou shalt say sorry and thou shalt receive a do-over. If thou shalt fuck up said do-over, no worries, thou shalt again say sorry and thou shalt receive another do-over.’

Chachi probably asked for forgiveness so he’s all set in Willie’s eyes.

The glee I feel about Scott Baio getting dragged through the mud like this is unmeasurable.

Lemon-lime Slice was my jaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaam when it appeared on the scene in 5th grade. It was better than Sprite and 7up and I loved it!

Yep. I feel like I’m doing pretty okay and maybe that’s why the whole world is falling apart? Like, it takes SO MUCH COSMIC ENERGY for me to not be a complete fuck-up that it creates some kind of black hole of positivity and I’m hoovering it all up. Sorry, guys.

Small talk is hard for some people. You can only talk about the weather so much, you know? And it’s not a bad way to start to get to know someone.

I always try “so how long have you lived in [wherever we are}?”