I buy men’s sweaters from Gap or Banana Republic because they tend to be nicer, better fabrics, BETTER CUTS, have room for my bazooms, and don’t suck.

I am a size 14 and I just spent roughly 15 thousand years trying on winter coats to find one to fit me. NOT A GODDAMNED THING IN THE STORES. “Try our extended sizes online!” No, and fuck you, because that means I have to order it, wait for it to be delivered, try it on, find that it still doesn’t fucking fit, send it…

What’s-His-Name subscribes to the WSJ (ugh) so every now and again we get the magazine-style insert of Fancy Schmancy Houses for sale and go through it with a Sharpie, X’ing out anything that doesn’t at least have a helipad.

For this alone, they have my unwavering support.

Some bars have a really high/wide lip at the front so you essentially have to lean over your plate in order to get to your food. Irritating!!

I’m the same way - I’ll tip a relatively HUGE amount on my 1-person check because it feels weird to tip $1.50 on my lunch.

It goes on FOREVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

That sounds like it might be interesting. Coriander works well with sweetness (you see it most often paired with orange), so it might play off the melon/berry nicely. You’ll get a fairly round flavor instead of a more pointy citrus (yes, I describe flavors as shapes). If you’re concerned, why not siphon off a gallon…

Try something that’s not an IPA. Maybe your palate runs to a more malty, nutty, cocoa place. Try stouts.

I want Matt Damon to be a better person, always, but then he starts talking.

I held it together pretty well until that and then I just exploded with tears.

Hell, yes. I can get a full 750mL bottle in one of my glasses (thanks to surface tension). It means I don’t have to get up to refill!

And here I was, feeling weird and bougie for buying a reusable tote from BlueQ for $10. In my defense, it says “Hangry” on it, so it’s perfect for the grocery store.

Like my dance moves, my ax-throwing aim improves immensely after a couple three beers.

See? EVERYTHING IS CONFUSING. I thought Cap’n Tinyhands was requiring everyone to say Merry Christmas but then his daughterwife goes and says Happy Holidays? What to do?

I spent many, many, many years in retail, so I know what’s up. I also know that the directive to ask 20 questions comes from on high and not from anyone who has any interaction with customers, ever, so they have no idea that after the first fairly terse “no, thank you” the cashier should back it up a bit before I just…

I’m confused, I thought we were all saying Merry Christmas now? This is just another one of his LIES, isn’t it?? LIESSSSSSS.

EXACTLY. Oreos are fine exactly as they are! They’re perfect! Leave them alone!

I am an Oreo Purist. GIVE ME REGULAR OREOS, dammit! None of this other goofy nonsense, not even Double Stuf (also WHY NO SECOND F ON THAT YA NERDS?). Regular. Oreos.

Are you required to ask me at least 7 questions as I check out, thus ensuring that I never, ever set foot in the actual store ever again? I just wanted to buy an apron for my dad, man. Nobody helped me on the floor, I don’t want the credit card, yes, I get the catalog, no you can’t have my email, no I don’t want to…