Here is perhaps the most sobering thought about car sales as a career: everyone in the profession can be replaced by a well-crafted web interface.

I got Mets/Browns/Rutgers/West Ham, so I can tell you all about pain and disappointment.

That is a HARD 28, makeup or no.

Hope Hicks is only 28 and she makes Miller look like a dewy young thing in comparison.

My very first cookbook is a Good Housekeeping one from the early 70s. It’s my mom’s, and that’s the one we used when I was a kid and she recently gave it to me. It’s hilariously dated.

Hahaha I wish I were that clever! Whoever first started doing the T Rex thing is my hero!

My gym nickname is T Rex because I have strong legs, a big mouth, and useless arms. My upper-body strength is for shit, but that’s why I’m at the gym - I’m working on it.

You’re not gonna know that unless you try it. And I’d wager that Neckbeard’s Backyard Fuzzy Watermelon-Marshmallow Stout is STILL better than any macro swill.

If you can, buy directly from your local craft brewer! Distribution laws are usually a goddamned mess and getting local beers on the shelves of local stores is an uphill battle at the best of times. Find a brewery local to you and go when they’re open. Chances are, you’ll meet the owner/brewer and other like-minded…

Are we related? It’s the rare wedding in my family that doesn’t feature a punch-up or two.

I have one of those, too. When the idea was floated that “he might just show up anyway” because we have a giant family and things like invitations are sort of secondary for events like this, I told my parents in very explicit terms exactly what I would do if he were to cross the threshold of my wedding. Since they…

HEARTILY SECONDED.

No shit (haha) and I’m not talking about you. I’m talking about the delicate goddamn flowers who can’t poop if there’s someone else within a 15-mile radius of the restroom. That’s a psychological problem. Yeah, it sucks if you have a medical issue and I feel you there, but for 90% of the people who are NOT dealing…

FINE. Mine will be Nuns With Chainsaws.

I am SO HERE FOR THIS.

OH MY GOD, you delicate flowers, just POOP. Everyone does it, just get over it and go.

This is a diabolical, yet fantastic plan. I wish I’d thought of it when I needed it back in 1995.

You can hire a cleaning service afterward.

Nah, she’s a grown woman who doesn’t need a man to legitimize her position.

The QB for the Cleveland Browns has more job security than she does.