I hear he decided to be a pitcher because of his insatiable love of Mounds.

Whose disgusting baseball chins are these?

I bet he throws down a mean slider

He’s the rare pitcher who really just works the middle of the plate.

Skip: “Nice work, Ben, but we’re bringing in another pitcher.”

300lbs? Did they weigh him on the moon?

The best part was him reminding everyone of how little their lives were worth.

Actually, the 2006 World Cup final went to extra time and then penalties.

Sepp Blatter’s not looking for the cure
Sepp Blatter’s not concerned about the sick among the pure.
Sepp Blatter, let’s go dancing on the backs of the bruised.
Sepp Blatter’s not one to choose

“Said Ripley to the android Bishop.”

You got greedy

The right way?

I’d play the world’s smallest violin for them, but Chicharito won’t lend it to me.

Yes, but in the trade the Mariners got a player who has the makings of a franchise batter.

You need to learn to speak Spanish.

They were promised waterfront park

The news was rather sad, but I just had to laugh.

Paint that town brown.

They should fine her for hiding out in that attic for so long...

Appropriately on Dallas Cowboys letterhead