His dick told the police "I know we've had our share of fistfights but I never thought he'd pull a gun on me."

You must be a blast in the bar. I bet you start telling people, "you guys are just here to get drunk. I'm here because I have a purpose."

Yeah but the winner of THAT match would probably play an invigorated France which recently pasted Switzerland with 4 goals by 4 different players, whereas if the US comes through against Belgium they probably go against Argentina, who has distinct weaknesses that you know Klinsmann knows how to exploit. I'm not sure…

I feel like Wonderwoman's tits: deflated. Thanks, Bradley, you turd.

Which makes it all the more likely (as it was going into this game) that they'll finish second in the group (as will mexico) and they'll continue on to their final four collision course with El Tri.

Oh...that's it? Did he have an invisible hatchet or something?

Ha!

Wow.

german commentator was full of praise for the athletic ability of Boyes, getting his foot that high.

agreed. Portugal looked unbeatable v. the germans

If he's successful this World Cup, there will be a lot of guys calling theirs a "Fabian Johnson."

Pepe attempts to seduce a cat.

Never too soon. That turd sandwich of a loss has made me irrationally happy, and it will do nothing but help CONCACAF in the future.

A truly heroic effort to prove that Group E may be the weakest group in the Cup. Thrilling giveaways in the midfield and shit ball skills. Love it.

Five (and counting) snared.

Landon Donovan would have hit a hole-in-one and then walked across the water to get the ball out of the hole, just to get another hole-in-one.

Typical American response. In other parts of the world, they refrain from using violence when stupid acts like streaking occur. But not for the typical American rent-a-cop. He has to display his American machismo. Let us shower him with scorn.

you're watching every minute of the world cup, you say. it's mid-june. it's the greatest sporting event in the world. it happens once every four years. and you're saying you can't read other sports content because...you'll have to scroll down a little further? that's your whole argument, no?

"I'd vote Netherlands or Belgium."