i feel it is relevant to bring up that Mean Girls was based on a non-fiction/self-help book

Where I work there is a young bull elephant hitting puberty. He’s just running all over dragging that thing on the ground, stepping on it, hitting things with it. I don’t know if it’s half his body sized, but it’s pretty impressive.

So I clicked through and here are some horrifying facts: spider vaginas are like chilling by their mouths???? This lil guy might have just been turned on by the amber coming to encase him, he had no lady friend, I feel like there's a daddy joke in her somewhere

They’re both so good you should probably just form two new bands.

“Why do they always have to point at it?”

Huh...Spider-Man origin stories always leave that part out of what Peter Parker got from the spider bite.

I’d really like to know what Amber has to say about all this.

Seek immediate paleontology help if your erection should last longer than 99 million years.

you hear that?

IDK, but I submit “The Ninth Leg Is The Hardest” as your debut album title.

This is going to be on the next valentine I make for my Etsy shop.

I feel like Fossilized Erection is more of an EDM, techno band and Dead Arachnid Boner is like, a grunge/pop punk combo with songs like I Bit Your Dad While He Was Sleeping (And Then I Fucked Your Mom)

Fossilized Erection, your first single could be Sap Trap

You’ve clicked on a link with a huge picture of a banana and the word ‘boner’ in the headline. I’d say it’s safe.

Not exactly what I meant when I said I wanted a hung daddy in my Grindr profile. But I guess it will do.

Dead Arachnid Boner.

I need to change my will. Never mind cremation, THIS is how I want to end up.

[insert* all the who’s your daddy jokes right here please]

Can you imagine getting sap in your pubic hair? Call that Nature’s Brazilian.

Another case of auto-erotic asphixiation gone wrong. When will the madness stop?!