“OBVIOUSLY I didn’t do it, but because ‘the media’ hates me I’m going to take the high road and just resign. To get them off my back, you know, not because I did anything wrong. How am I supposed to know she wasn't interested? Her feminine anatomy gave rise to my urges!"

I’ll bet he has a playroom in his house. And not the kind for children.

Exactly. Like, when your parents would ask, “Is there something you’d like to tell me?” and you confess that you got into the liquor cabinet and they’re all, “Oh, I meant that you drank the milk out of the carton but cool, thanks for the free confession.”

Right? He’s just trying to lift these women up in their careers. Using his dick. Nevermind, #thanksobama.

I don’t even get these dudes. Like just don’t do it. You know people are going to find out, right? Just don’t do it. I find it really easy to not send inappropriate texts because I just don’t. Do they not get that it’s bad? Or do they have some weird compulsion? Are they missing a vital brain structure? All of the…

like when i hold the door open with my dick, and ladies are all offended and junk. WTF!?! I’M JUST BEING CHIVALROUS

he looks pretty by-the-books. maybe he’d schedule a randy email during lunch hours

“And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full.”

I assumed he was going for the “exposed roots of an old gnarled oak tree in front of a haunted house” look.

Do male politicians over a certain age know or realize how electronic messaging and media works? Haven’t they seen this same scenario with other politicians? When it’s deleted, it’s not really gone, it never goes away and will practically outlive you on the internet.

What I heard there was “I can’t possibly know which of the nine dozen women I’ve inappropriately texted you’re referencing.”

It’s like you can’t be a nice guy anymore!

GOD YOU GUYS I’M JUST TRYING TO NETWORK, WHY YOU GOTTA FREAK OUT WHEN I SEND YOU A PICTURE OF MY DICK IN RESPONSE TO YOUR RESUME?

Another day, another group of women making totally unwarranted complaints about a male politician’s texts. Ladies, he’s just a terrific communicator. Why can’t you understand that in your tiny female brains?

Not having seen the texts, not knowing who the other party to the conversation is, when they were sent, what exactly they say, whether I was responding or initiating the text stream, it is simply impossible to respond,” Durham told the newspaper in an email.

Sing it with me now...

I wanna know more about that guy in the middle with that microphone. I’d like the “inappropriately” text him.

I dunno what it is about them, but when I was a kid they could really creep me out.

I should also note that I was fortunate enough to have two American Girl Dolls — Addy and Kirsten. I wondered if I was subconsciously racist because I didn’t play as much with the former. It really, really bothered me so much so that I had nightmares about Addy and had to place a paper doll of her likeness in my dream…

Hah! It’s funny if you read it as if the creepy doll she’s referring to is just a child actor she worked with on set for 10 years.