I read this a Joe Biden—-Lieberman being nice is much more surprising.

Pastrami is beef, though

Sounds like the lowest Baldwin on the totem pole.

I’m team gel-stick sunscreen, esp the nitrate a wetskin one. It doesn’t mess up my skin and smells like gummy bears! I just want it in a bigger size!

He's a horrible horrible man

Carson complimented your clothes?!?! Amazing!

Twinsies!!!!! We are two time the fun and trouble!!!

Thanks for pointing it out! I hadn't realized the sting predated the books. If I ever hear him read again I'm going to ask him about it!

Isn’t that what Robin Thicke does to get into the mood?

I didn’t think a music choice at an ambush could beat The Rains is Castamere—but I Fought the Law and the Law Won is genius!

Mr. Macgyner once, while stuck at a truck stop due to a broken down bus, said he was “in a trucker mood” and asked me to send him a “saucy picture.” We were not in a great spot, and I’m not into the whole sending pics thing (which he fucking knew!) so I was inordinately annoyed, and thought, “You want a saucy picture?…

Pooh Bear needs his honey! Bring me your sticky honey pot!

Ah, the seeds of Gilead.

If you go, make sure to have someone waiting for you outside and ready to call 911 when they kidnap you to “save the baby.”

A million stars to this.

“ That’s pretty lucky; both that there were several doctors on the plane and that none of them were Ph.Ds trying to deliver the baby through a series of cleverly written poetry explications.”

Every year I try to maintain my vampire-like complexion—and somehow every summer I get at least one minor burn. I’m trying sun shirts this year, I think, while outside gardening. Last year I got a tramp strip sunburn—where my shirt hiked up from my pants in the back. LAME.

If your partner complains that he or she can’t hear you, perhaps you should stop whispering and start shouting. Additionally, please ensure that your partner achieves sexual release using adequate lubrication so that he/she need not request “don’t leave me high—don’t leave me dry.” If you do not follow our advice,…

Totally true! Also, her unhealthily speedy weight loss (from “fat Monica” to “skeletally skinny” Monica in a year)—-and we RARELY SEE HER EAT ANYTHING.

I’m totally that person—I hate mornings, and checking my email/reading things on my phone lets me wake up enough to not be a total bitch to the humans in my house.