Surprisingly, no! I have a story waiting for posting about a celebrity who did this where they do NOT come across as a dick at all! (OK, they didn’t know the restaurant was about to close and no one told them, and...well, you’ll just have to wait for it)

Husband and I were at our Tuesday Taco joint when a big group of college girls came in...10 minutes before closing. They had a reservation for 10 for 8:30, and, like, I know it’s 8:50, but, like, two people were running late? So could we just, like sit? And wait for them and then we’ll order?

“Was that so hard?” = “The situation has been resolved to my satisfaction, but I’d still like to start a fight about it.”

General Zhukov: Comrade, we have just captured Berlin!

Man nothing ruins an old racists day like being nice to someone. I work in a bakery in an area with a large middle eastern/indian population. Because of this, we have little displays for non-cracker ass holiday events like little eid al-fitr cakes and a nice spread for diwali. EVERYTIME while we get a slew of happy…

I’ve never seen a restaurant that had onion dip and potato chips on the menu.

It’s a nice bookend to one of my favorites, “this can only end in beers.”

I want to shake all of these people. 13 cent guy the most. Dude, it’s 13 fucking cents.

Is it a rule that any customer who arrives five minutes before closing and insists on being seated must, without exception, behave in the worst way imaginable? My coworkers and I used to play Rock Paper Scissors to decide who would stay while the cooks glowered from their stations like wrathful gods.

I have to say, BCO has spurred two important changes in the way I act in restaurants.

“Lord, beer me strength.”

“Was that so hard?!”

I can’t remember his whole spiel, because my brain was filled with the enraged screams of my primal warrior ancestors and I was battling to keep a pleasant expression on my face.

Right? This just proves to me that filmmakers have never actually had the kind of bullshit job where you can absolutely be fired for not following all the rules, like not twisting people’s arms to sign up for the company credit card - those of us who have would make this a terrible film, since no creepy shit would…

Isn’t it great how a world renowned astronomer somehow missed this training for decades???? I take fucking pizza orders over the phone and our company has regular training classes on this bullshit. But somehow a potential Nobel Laureate in the hard sciences can get away with “WELL NOBODY EVER TOLD ME NOT TO DO IT.”

A couple of weeks ago I had some randoms come in while i happened to be at the hosting desk. It was a sunday, and IM CATHOLIC BUT I WAS STILL LIKE, OH GOD NO when they started off with, “So we noticed you aren’t in church right now...”

Your friend is a monster but this is a great story.

Only if you snatch the item out of someone else’s basket and claim it as your own. Oh, and you have to bring your own special perfume that will make everyone in the store sick except for you and the homies you brought with you.

Ever heard of The Vortex? The owner is one of my favorite people, like, on the planet. Here are their policies, which includes this peach and many others:

Okay, seriously: what kind of FUCKING MONSTER puts GRAPE JELLY onto a perfectly innocent pizza? And for those of you who would mention pineapple, you are gross and wrong. Fight me.