Never caulk the wagon. Always the wrong call.

Just don’t die of dysentery on the way.

Thing is, I would absolutely run crazy holiday home-cook stories without hesitation.

I liked this comment so much, I had to unstar it, just to star it again. *BOOM* Just wait until Denton starts getting his goddamn traffic reports and realizes that people can get idiotic political coverage everywhere on the internet. Fuckers.

^

I was sad that there were no new stories until I realized you don’t owe fucking Denton any new content.

I’m loading up the covered wagon, getting the oxen ready, and making the move to Wonkette.

Plus side: no greys over on Wonkette, and I’ll be keeping an eye out for you guys!

Alright dude, you’ve been asking this question all over the place. Apparently, you’ve decided to stick with your own perspective of how the world works, rather than take a moment and listen to the view points of others. Here is how it could play out:

They’re not even TRYING.

I have been in mourning for the past 24 hours and you seriously just made my week. I will follow you to the end of the internets. I might even join Twatter.

Man what kind of loser hides his sword under a parka? In my day it was black leather trenchcoat or nothing. Kids these days.

I prefer Stonecutter Kale.

I enjoy the specificity of the kale story. “Illuminati Kale” is just such a vivid descriptor; I have to wonder if “Masonic Kale” or “Skull and Bones Kale” would have been more acceptable.

I have so many questions, notably: how did she assemble the chicken stew there, or if she didn't, how did she transport it? How big a Crockpot are we talking here? Because mine holds like, a gallon, and the interior is heavy-ass ceramic.

The toaster one reminds me of the time one of the librarians smelled food and tracked it down to a woman who was sitting at a reading desk with a crock pot plugged in underneath it, cooking chicken stew.

I agree that banning tipping is not the way to go, but I also think that paying servers a sufficient base wage only solves half the problem, and I can see how banning tips is a ham-fisted attempt to tackle the other half—that is, the issue with customers feeling anxious/unsure/resentful about the tipping thing, and…

Just wanted to compliment you on your fabulous turn of phrase re: rocks and slime.

List of people not to fuck with: