So, while my default setting is snark,

You missed that by a long shot. In the movie, Braff’s father was some type of doctor/psychiatrist that heavily medicated his son instead of just having a father/son relationship. The father essentially numbed his sons feelings/pain. Braff’s character may have had issues as a child but kept on being medicated, because…

I mean... yes, kinda? Except that whole plot mainly revolved around the fact that his father (Bilbo Baggins!) was unethically serving as his therapist and putting him on tons of meds he never needed in the first place. So he didn’t actually have mental health issues.

Plus no one with THIS FACE has the right to go after anyone else’s face. Having a shapeFULL colorless face of a blank avatar isn’t better . I get that your face is all triangles and sharp edges but it’s not improvement.

The movie was really quite bad. But nothing in it was as awful as this prose:

Is Garden State a great film? No. But it’s not a bad one either. The soundtrack was great, though (Disclosure: A friend of mine has a song on the soundtrack so I may not be impartial).

Isn’t Garden State also that movie where one of the aesops, if you will, was “hey, you don’t need to take your medicine if you’re suffering from mental health issues. That stuff just weighs you down, man!”

“Here’s a bowl of maple syrup”

David Sedaris wrote that in response to being told “I’m going to have you fired” he was always tempted to respond, “I’m going to have you killed.”

I was ambushed into my first real cooking job at White Wolf Lodge in Yosemite National Park when one of the cooks decided wandering off drunk into the forest was better than working.

Incidentally, in the state of New York you have to sign a paper promising you won’t shake your baby before you leave the hospital. It’s good, because it’s part of a larger program to educate parents that shaking a baby can be harmful or deadly, and simple advice to help parents calm themselves down to keep them and…

Exactly? I take my 4 yo daughter with me most weeks for the shopping trip because she is starting to really love cooking and likes to help me get stuff at the store (and maybe also because she sometimes gets toys/treats from the store). More than a few times I’ve had soccer moms or older cashier ladies (it’s always…

I am a 35 y/o married guy who does all the shopping and cooking in my house. I usually go Sunday mornings for a large weekly trip to try to get as much stuff at once as is possible without meticulously planning every single thing I’m going to make.

Anybody who fucking stood over me at my job TIMING how fast I did it would swiftly be timing how long it took to pry his smartphone out of his skull.

I don’t know how Carly has not killed multiple times. Your husband’s magazine???? MOTHERFUCKER I WILL END YOU.

I WOULD MURDER

I’ve been in places like this and honestly, every time it’s been as miserable as you described.

Fuck Dave; that sounds like the best menu ever.

full rail of tickets, manager comes back asking, “are you guys busy?” “no, these are just flashcards for our russian literature class.”. I’d been saving that one for about a year.

I’ve always hated the “I’ll get you fired” response. I told a woman once that if a person like her could get me fired, then the job wasn’t worth keeping.