Amen to that! I have been working out every fucking day, keeping my calories/portions down, and the weight will not budge. I thank Zoloft for keeping me sane, but goddammit it can take those 30 lbs back now.

If your soulmate is making you fuck a goat every quarter, you’ve got one freaky ass soulmate. (No judgement, assuming the goat is consenting). Is the soulmate fucking goats too?

The official gift bags for the Oscars, Grammies, etc are legit good. There are a ton of companies that put on cut-rate “gifting suites” the weekend before the awards shows, that are full of crappy products (lots of alkaline water and shady vitamins) and crappier “celebrities” like forgotten teen moms and Omorosa.

Winner, winner, chicken dinner. I know I had never heard of her until the El Chapo story, and I would guess I am not the only one. Now- we all know her name. Either she is the double agent in all of this, or she is planning to write one hell of a screenplay.

A crown is around $1200, so it adds up fast. $5k is not unusual at all.

I want to hang out with them. Sure, they are beautiful famous actors, but they also seem really dorky and funny as hell. Call me, y’all.

I am not buying what she is selling. If you had a .4 blood alcohol level by 8:30pm every night, you would be shit-faced. Tolerance or not, you would start to notice something was up. “Hmmm, I haven’t had a drink all day, yet I am stone cold wasted every night at 8:30pm. Methinks I should see a doctor about this.…

You and me both. I recently hit 40, and sitting like that is comfy as fuck.

He strikes me as a miserable bastard. He has that “I am right and everyone else is an idiot” shtick that makes me want to punch him in the face. And his cross-eyed bathtub shots are what you see when you die.

Your friend is a badass.

Esprit was so great. I grew up on the lower end of middle-class, while most of my classmates came from the upper sector. I begged and pleaded and finally got my mom to buy one of their sweatshirts- with the logo and names of big cities- New York, Paris, et al. I wore that damn thing every other day in hopes of finally…

I am seriously crying with laughter at this. Pure genius.

Except if the child grows up in the same radical cult, Mom and Pop were heroes who died for their cause, and said child will be like royalty.

As a fellow ex-Nordy Girl, I concur. I am a total labelwhore. But in the bright side, I know that department store designer clearance is a million times better than an outlet. No worries about authenticity, and it happens in the current season!

Right there with you! As a reformed party girl, I can’t wait to read this. Even if I was in Hollywood and in my 30’s-versus being in Miami in my 20’s. Plus the author is obviously a badass lady I need to know more about.

Yes. And the Beckhams.

No, no. I don’t want a Bip Burger, thank you. She seems like an Iggy Azalea ripoff. And really, who wants that?

It’s totally her name for Bill’s penis.

I always thought it was more of a pep talk or motivational thing. I remember holding hands in a circle before plays in my high school drama days. I don't remember specifically asking God or Jesus for help remembering lines though.

Yes. This is classic “Rolling your ass off on Molly” behavior.