Men who need to actually have female offspring to realise that women are humans are scuzzbags even after they learn their “lesson”, because all they’ve learned is that females who possess their own genetic material might be worth something after all, which does not at all make them better men in my eyes. i don’t feel…

When I was in high school, I carried around a notebook with a list of topics I wanted to research but couldn’t find in the school or public library. You know, in case I found myself near a different library.

That one has trumped “Shark Week” as my fave euphemism.

laughing forever at Scott Joplin

Burnt Orange Knock-Off Hermes Purse

Count Hairpiece von Wiggenstien

In written communication: Hairball

Il Duce- Like Mussolini, except Americanize the pronunciation to “Ill Douche”?

Hell Toupée.

I want to love Aquaphor, but I can’t get past the fact that it gets all over EVERYTHING. I get that it’s supposed to sit on your skin and not absorb quickly, but that just means, for me, that any time I try to use it, there’s Aquaphor everywhere. On the lamp, in my eye, coating the sheets, in the kitchen somehow even…

I love that you called them “vegetable babies.”

I don’t know why this should be funny to me, but it is.

Luxurious Combover

I googled her just now to see if she’s still doing vegetable babies. I found this. Loving image search right now.

Rug

Pictured: left, fighting polish, the #1 blindspot (and Pacific Rim) superfan

If I interviewed Guillermo del Toro, a play in one act:

I really kind of wish I hadn’t read the interview where Del Toro was talking about how hard it is to direct love scenes without feeling like a pervert. I’m picturing him just off screen with words of encouragement and it’s giving me the giggles.

I once spent a month in Buffalo ... I seem to remember it was a Tuesday!!