DISSENTING OPINION: I remain convinced Gaston is one of those dudes with a tragically enormous dick, who thinks that his huge schlong means he has to do zero work in the sack. He just bumps your cervix for five minutes then rolls over and congratulates himself for being such a superior cocksman.

"Someday my prince will cum."

Finally, a Disney Princess post I give a damn about.

I once read a study that women tend to make better decisions involving risk in the week before their period. Their estrogen levels drop but their androgen levels remain the same.

I would have cunt-punched any manager who dared to tell me how to deal with my period difficulties! My cramps are worse than my labor was, and I had my daughter without the benefit of an epidural. My cramps are so bad they make me vomit. And period poops? What you want me running to the bathroom every 15 minutes…

"From now on I am going to tell all my man-friends that my misandry is an evolutionary advantage, even if I am not even really PMSing."

THIS. Sometimes things are totally cool and it's like 'oh, blood, no big' and I just keep on keepin on. Other times, the week before my period I crave salty stuff (I can stuff an entire bag of fritos in my mouth at once, apparently) and get super duper needy. Like, I get irrationally sad and weepy if my boyfriend…

Always remember this HR exists to protect the company - not you. They are the enemy.

This reminds me of the time I volunteered to supervise my mum's class of 5 year olds on a visit to a local wildlife sanctuary. Bear in mind that these were mostly scrappy city kids who could barely be left alone with a tree for fear that they'd set it on fire. It was, as I had gloomily expected, a shitshow. I…

I absolutely, without a doubt, would have started spiking my sandwiches with durian and ghost peppers.

also next time you go out, don't have boobs on. that's just asking for it.

You interrupted his Precious Moment.

Do they pump in testosterone through the HVAC there?

I died of secondhand embarrassment at the whole thing. He was so into it, but it was terrible. 50 Shades of Grey levels of technical ability.

I shall now tell the story of the Penny Killer.

My boss sat the entire company down one morning in the boardroom for a very important meeting.

My family goes to this little beach town in New Jersey every summer. One night, we were out on the beach when we saw this commotion a few yards down the beach. A couple of fishermen were reeling something big in and, as we usually did, we went to go watch. These guys pulled in a three foot long sand shark. It had…

So, when I was a kid, we had a pet fox. Turned out to be not such an awesome idea. Surprise. Eventually we let her run wild in our rural neighborhood. My dad would catch her every once in a while and check her out, and put on a fluorescent collar. On this particular weekend, she bit him. Not a terrible bite, but a…

A few:

Not sure where to start with this one, I have so many! Maybe with how I was backpacking in Israel and was sleeping with no tent, with jackals and wild hogs circling all night? Or the time I was diving and was the only one to see a 20 foot manta? No one believed me, either. My favorite may have been the dolphin mother…