He already left.

I don’t know why, but a guy sauntering out of the penalty box and getting a goal like that is one of my favorite plays in all of sports.

“Everything riding on Mr. Jones? Hell, even we had a second single.”

“Lois, a Khalil Mack is a Khalil Mack, but Clelin Ferrel could be anything! He could even be a Khalil Mack, and you know much we’ve wanted one of those!”

I can’t wait ‘til MLB implements a dinger clock to shave another 1.4 seconds off a 3.5 hour game.

My neighbors and I don’t know each other too well, so I’m looking forward to spending the next HOA meeting explaining why screaming “FUCK DON CHERRY” at midnight here in NC was totally apropos.

What a touching tweet from Vlad to his son. Really puts into perspective how little my own worthless progeny have accomplished in their lives. I mean, sure, they’re 7 and 9, but still...

Please settle a debate: Is Back to the Future a sci-fi movie?

Geez, more like Jake Peevy.

MLB - “We’re totally against anything racist, suspensions all around!”

Also MLB - “This week on Sunday Night Baseball: Braves at Indians!”

“So you could say this is a textbook case of impermissible benefits.” [fumbles sunglasses while trying to put them on]

I’m imagining Lauren walking into the GMG offices this morning and just casually chucking an octopus into the hallway.

But the absolute cruelest thing a pitcher can do is smoke three guys with one 99 mph fastball.

The puppy is great, but the best part is that the family didn’t bring him home till a few weeks into the season so they get to keep him for seven years instead of six.

Athletes are measuring sticks.  

They’re so toast, Jim Nantz carries their picture around in his wallet.

They look like toast because they’re playing like they smell it.

“The goal has been disallowed, due to a distinct kissing motion.”