I'd bemoan the lack of an Austin bro, but it's really just like a Brooklyn bro and a Dallas bro had a baby who somehow got snobbier about music. I'd also bemoan the lack of a Philly bro, but just replace "BoSox" with "Eagles/Flyers/Phillies" in the Masshole bro, and we're good.

Because, this too... Also, the last guy I slept with was like what would happen if Warlow and Adam Pally had a baby and that baby grew up to become incredible in bed. Sorry I had to leave him behind in Pennsylvania.

When I read them, on my Kindle, I have some shame, I couldn't help wishing the woman had had access to an editor. Of any kind, even a bad editor would have helped. Or possibly a thesaurus, that also would have helped.

Age: 19
Location: motel room in Phillipsburg, NJ
Partner: a boy with a childish, yet porn-y name who looked like a young Matt Dillon.
How it went down: One of my closest friends at the time was dating some dude with a tramp stamp and I, by extension, was spending a lot of time with him too and also his friends. One…

If I was on a date with a guy who wrote poetry and busted this stuff out as an example, well, it would go something like this in gif form:

This is what they moved my dad to after his Ambien abuse episode, mostly because you can't take too much of it, or if you do, it doesn't have any fun effects. Re: the priapism. I really need to teach him to clear the recently watched section from OnDemand.

Yeah, I mentioned it in another comment. My dad was abusing it last fall. We've had him involuntarily committed before because of scrip abuse, but the Ambien was just so different. Especially since he would be totally fine whenever a medical professional was in the room, then be all, "look at the frogs jumping in the…

Me neither, come on guys, grow! I use guys in the unisex sense, because my boobs haven't self-identified to me yet.

Does melatonin count? Cause if so, pretty much every night. I will never get on the Ambien train, thanks dad, for your propensity toward abusing prescription drugs and RUINING Ambien for me with your terrifying waking dreams. Nana is not coming over for grilled cheese, she's been dead for 40 years!

You hurt Steve Sanderseses' feelings. But I totally agree with you.

I lived across the hall from a guy named Axl in college. He never washed his clothes and bathed in Polo Sport. Try to make sure yours doesn't turn out like that, Stacey Ferguson.

Can Aiden be more sexy, less mopey this season, please?

Ugh, something about that one. I sat through all of Because I Said So because of him.

I'll let him put his bird on it.

Sigh, thank you. And thank the universe for creating Paul Newman in the first place.

Ross Gellar is busy living his awesome life, he doesn't need your approval because he's got his music:

This deserves a James Bond/Adele high five. Right on, Justin Long!

His personality changed, he got fat, but maintained thin legs and a rockin' ass. He also was back to being Abs Adama pretty quickly if you ask me.

Yes, a thousand times yes! Sometimes it just really is the shitty, cheap boss who is willing to pay what he can get away with. I'm a writer/designer/all-around awesome employee who works for a small, family-owned construction company. I should haven never taken the job, but I was lied to bunches and am "not a…

I can't believe none of the tabloids have yet pointed out how this mistress looks like the down-market love child of Angelina Jolie and a Kardashian. I'm sure there's some sort of story to mine there, right Star? RIGHT?!?!