Anyone who doesn't know what "creampie" is, don't feel bad. I used to work with the porns and I didn't know. I guess it's a thing still photography can't accurately capture, or it's a thing Penthouse didn't get around to, mostly girl-on-girl over there.

Re the tongue thing: I'll never forget the time my cousin Sam stuck his tongue out at my dad after he told him not to 10 or so times My dad grabbed his tongue, and quickly let it go. Scared the shit out of Sam, I'm pretty sure he still won't stick his tongue out at people. In other news, my cousin Sam was a shit when…

I'll give you Dr. Cornell West, but Giorgio is one "incident" away from a padded room and thorazine, which is totally cool, if that's what you're into.

That would be an acceptable substitution.

If you look at the first season, he looks relatively normal. Each year he gets crazier looking. My old roommate loved the show, and I tried talk him into being Giorgio for Halloween. He's like, "But what would I wear on the bottom?" My response, "Are you crazy? Giorgio doesn't wear pants!"

No men discovered, huh? Who fathered the priestesses babies? Let's ask Giorgio. ..

All I want in life is a 2 hour Deadwood movie to finish the series. Those motherfucking cocksuckers at HBO won't give it to me.

The Internet will do well to remember how amazing he was as George Reeves in Hollywoodland, tortured, rich, famous, demons out the wazoo. Ben can do a great job if all of the pieces are in place.

Dude, get me some Information-Based Sexual Health Mints stat!

At big, crazy hair AND stabbing. Probably.

That advice for my teenage years would have also included:

CHINESE FOOD MAKES ME SICK

They're supposed to be, but most of the crimes against kids end up being "sexually based", on SVU anyway.

Not that it was Donna-Centric, but the lake house episode, we found out a little about her, right, or are you in Camp Ann?

I present to you the first Google image search result for "LFO gifs":

Ugh, I'm so jealous! My dad never let me do fun stuff to his hair. I always wanted to put product in it and blow dry it with a diffuser so I could feel even more the sting of not getting his gorgeous natural ringlets. It's long and silver now. And I can only touch it when it's a stray that somehow attaches to my…

If it helps you at all with his age, he's looked roughly the same since the 90s, when he played a ruthless gay male cheerleader on Popular.

If we can dream it, we can be it.