Yeah. I want my president to be better than I am. Because I’m a super-flawed person who should never be put in control of anything too important because absent a supervisor I will just spend my time fucking around rather than getting work done.

My brother went to trade school to become an electrician and now makes more money than anyone else in the family by a wide margin.

While I support college (obviously, I went to one), these kinds of campaigns always make it seem like if you choose NOT to go, then you’re stunting your growth. Trade schools and…

Daddy time = those long masturbation showers.

In case anyone is still reading this, I will add mine.

Frees Wives....I thought that only happens when you hand them articles of clothing. Like a sock or something.

img credit: Flapadactyl

Sorry but I think your cat smokes weed

YOU MEAN TONY FROM SKINS. OR THE LITTLE KID FROM ABOUT A BOY.

A.I.

okay, stop that bullshit. Being black doesn’t make you a criminal. There are tons of black people in the US who do not steal, rob, murder or whatever and still experience racism everyday. Being black is not an auto-function to crime. Are you even aware how racist it is what _you_ are writing? “oh he’s black, of course…

Yogurt is the devil’s curdled dick cheese and this post is a gift to all mankind. Thank you Ellie.

You brainwashed assholes need to stop trying to force feed me your latest favorite yogurt flavor. Put that spoon near my mouth again and you will fucking lose your hand. “But it doesn’t taste like yogurt!” is a shameful…

Non-mayo salad is sooo much better

One of the first texts I remember receiving from Mr. VonQueso: “I would hump the shit out of you.”

Uh, he didn’t call her a slut. He jokingly called a fictional character a slut.

From the article:

I don’t fly that often, but when I do, I get two bins at the security checkpoint, one for my shoes and the other for my laptop. After going through security, I grab all my stuff and if there are spare bins, I stack them up with mine and put them on the stack of other bins. I don’t do this because I’m female, I do this…

A few months ago, I was in an arrangement conference with the family of a young man who’d died in a high-speed auto crash on the interstate. I’d spent the past 10 hours putting him back together, then had 30 minutes to clean up and make myself half-way presentable *and* get into the right headspace to sit in the midst…

My brother once asked me why I never got into Star Trek, since I like a ton of other fantasy/sci-fi stuff, and my reason is kind of along your lines. If I ever get into a conversation about Star Trek with a male fan, I’ll have to go through an inquisition. As a woman, I don’t feel like I have the option to be a casual…

And I usually have a firmer handshake than some of those limp cod-ass motherfuckers, too.

Matt, you are adorable. Now you are adorable AND perfect.