That's the one I was thinking of!

A Criminal Intent episode too! Although that woman with the stone baby knew she had it, as she referred to it like it was an actual live child (referred to 'her daughter,' claimed her daughter was out there living in the world, was the age her kid would have been, etc.).

There was! I've seen it at least three times. It's always on.

• Polly Prostitute

I love multicolored lights because:

The one person I know who is fanatical about white lights... also keeps her TV in a giant armoire.

White Christmas lights are for people afraid to wear white shoes after Labor Day. They are for the Gap shopper whose wedding is the most unmemorable event you attended this summer. They are safe and slightly patrician and all the way boring. Unless you're decking the homestead out for a Better Homes & Gardens shoot,…

Both kinds of lights are cop-outs. These are the options in order of preference:

1. Candles
2. Directly set fire to the tip of each branch
3. You are a communist

THERE ARE LEGGINGS!!!

Maybe she has an abortion fetish and that's the only way she can have an orgasm? Did you ever think of that? Why are you being so selfish and not paying attention to her needs?

you're creepy for saying that.

True. My kids and many others we know are so into them. It's great when you want to watch a show with them that's not for kids yet not wildly inappropriate.

Exactly! OH, and another accidentally-learned trick — they'll dry even faster if you lay them flat on top of the dryer while you've got a load of clothes going. Gentle radiant heat, but no hot air blasts and no tumbling about or friction or getting pulled around.

As a knitter, I always recommend handwashing wool, cashmere, and other natural fibers, but that is probably because I've spent hours and hours (maybe even months depending on the size of the yarn and the type of garment) of my life working on that hand knit item and I'll be darned if I let a machine destroy it.

For reals. That song should have been titled "Isn't it a bummer."

Maybe if he approached from the view that the song is not ironic therefore the irony is writing a song that doesn't meet expectations set by the title.

Ask the teacher to send you a copy of one of this kid's other writing assignments. Post it to Jezebel with your name on it.